Exclusive - Jim Gaffigan - Living in Chinatown

Jim Gaffigan: Obsessed Season 1, Ep 101 04/27/2014 Views: 40,043

Chinese culture is incredible, but Jim Gaffigan believes that it's lacking one thing in particular. (2:09)

I wish I liked seafood, I do.I live near Chinatown

in New York,because I'm Chinese.

And like most Chinatowns, a lotof the restaurants in Chinatown

have live seafood tanksin the windows.

And I'm always like, "Uh,do you want us to come in there,

or are these sea monstersprotecting your establishment?"

Because I is scared.

And I love Chinese food,and I love the Chinese culture.

And I'm not just saying that

because we're all gonna beworking for them in six months.

The Chinese havean amazing culture. They do.

3,000 years ago, they weredoing brain surgery in China,

yet they still haven'tfigured out dessert.

You ever goto a Chinese restaurant?

I'm not talking aboutthe fancy Chinese restaurant

that has the tea ice creamthat tastes like

a pack of menthol cigarettes.

I'm talking abouta regular Chinese restaurant

where the dessert options--there's two, right?

There's sliced oranges.


I don't wantto overwork the kitchen.

Oranges? What, did a schoonerjust arrive from the Caribbean?

Looks like our scurvy's cured,fellas.

There's sliced oranges,or there's the fortune cookie,

which is not evena Chinese thing.

It's an American thing,and we gave it to them.

And they were like,"We don't want it."

And we were like, "It's nowpart of your ethnic identity."

Don't you feel like the fortunein every fortune cookie

should be, "You areabout to eat a stale cookie"?

Hey, my fortune came true!

Everyone has the same reactionto fortune cookies.

They're always like,"These things are so stu--

What does mine say?"

Like there'ssome ancient wisdom in there.

As if Confucius himselfwas putting

a tiny piece of paperinto a tiny typewriter.

"Happiness is a...long journey."




Put this in a stale cookiefor me, would you?