Calise Hawkins - Proper Street Vernacular

Season 1 , Ep 2 07/11/10 Views: 5,631

It is hard to tell the difference between intelligent thuggish guys and dumb thuggish guys. (2:24)

BUT I LIKE THEMTO BE INTELLIGENT,

WHICH IS HARD TO FIND,

'CAUSE THEY SOUNDJUST LIKE THE DUMB ONES.

THEY TALK THE SAME.

YOU CAN'T TELLTHE DIFFERENCE.

THIS GUY CAME UP TO MEON THE STREET ONE TIME.

HE WAS LIKE, "WHAT'S UP, MA?YOU GOT A BIG BOOTIE.

CAN I PUSH UP ON IT?"

HE WENT FROM URBANTO JAZZ.

HE WAS LIKE, "OWWWW-N IT."

[laughs]

SO I GOT OFFENDED.

I SAID, "WHY ARE YOUTALKING TO ME LIKE THAT?"

HE SAID,"WELL, I WAS JUST USING

"THE PROPER STREET VERNACULARTHAT'S COMMON

AMONGST RUFFIANSOF MY STATURE."

[laughter]

WELL, WHEN YOUPUT IT LIKE THAT, UM...

[laughs]

I MET THE OTHER KIND,THOUGH.

HE WAS DUMB,BUT I DIDN'T FIND OUT

TILL I ASKED HIMTOO MANY QUESTIONS.

I SAID,"WHAT DO YOU DO?"

HE SAID, "IT'S NOT WHAT I DO.IT'S WHAT I GET DONE."

AND I'M LIKE, "UH...

OKAY."

AND I TRIEDTO COMPLIMENT HIM.

I SAID, "BUT IT'S OKAY. YOULOOK VERY YOUNG FOR YOUR AGE."

HE SAID, "YEAH. IT'S 'CAUSEOF THE CLOTHES I WEAR.

THEY 'YOUTH-ANIZE' ME."

[laughter]

I WISH THEY DID.

[laughter]

I WISH THEY DID RIGHT NOW.

I WISH THEY WOULDHANDLE IT.

[laughs]

IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVEMUCH TIME TO DATE ANYWAY,

'CAUSE THE BABY'SALWAYS THERE.

I DON'T KNOW WHYI SAY IT LIKE THAT.

THE BABY'S ALWAYS THERE.

SHE'S ADORABLE, THOUGH.SHE'S ADORABLE.

LIKE, PEOPLE DON'T EVENTALK TO ME ANYMORE.

THEY JUST TALKDIRECTLY TO HER

AND ASK HER QUESTIONS.

THIS ONE LADY TRIEDTO ASK HER A QUESTION

IN A PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE WAY

IF TRYING TO CALL MEA BAD MOM.

SHE CAME RIGHT UP TO HERAND SHE WAS LIKE,

"OH, AREN'T YOUOUT LATE?"

[laughter]

I SAID, "EXCUSE ME?WHAT IS--WHAT?"

AND SHE WAS LIKE,"OH, NO.

"I'M TALKINGTO YOUR BABY.

SHOULDN'T YOUR MOMMYHAVE YOU HOME IN BED?"

I WAS LIKE,"OH, I UNDERSTAND.

"YOU'RE TALKINGTO MY BABY.

"WELL, LET ME JUST--LET MEJUST SAY SOMETHING TO MY BABY.

"HOLD ON A SECOND.LET ME JUST, UH...

"ISN'T THIS A NOSY BITCH?

"WHY IS SHE BOTHERING US?

"DO YOU WANT MOMMYTO SMACK THIS BITCH?

YES, YOU DO."

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