-I sent my father an emailabout a month before Christmas,
and the subject of the emailwas, Christmas Gift Ideas.
Pretty basic email.
Hey dad, what do youwant for Christmas?
K, my dad writes back, I'mgoing to read to you the email
that my father wrote back to me.
Keep in mind my email wastitled, Christmas Gift Ideas.
Here's my father'semail, word for word.
First thing he said.
I heard a rumor you werewondering about gift ideas.
That's why I sentyou an email, dad,
called Christmas Gift Ideas.
He wants one thing, my father.
My current desk calculatordates back to 1986.
I still use it every day, butI'm getting nervous about it.
The new calculator will haveonly simple things that will
run on solar and battery orsome other kind of power.
What the fuck areyou talking about?
Why am I still reading this?
I wish I wasn't related to you.
Then he writes this, itwill have decent sized keys
with a little bit ofspace between them.
Oh, thanks dad, for describingyou want a calculator
with spaces in between the keys.
I was just going to buyyou a calculator with one
giant button on it that Ihoped was the number you
wanted to use inyour calculation.
Then he writes this.
It doesn't have to bewaterproof, plug into anything
or play the Michigan fight song.
He is bat shit crazy, my father.
Here's my response backto him, word for word.
Here's what I wrote.