Then you get yourhigh school yearbook.
Everyone always writes thesame thing in your high school
yearbook-- don't ever change,stay just the way you are.
I'm thinking, yeah,6' 2", 220, I'll
have a great career in the NFL.
I was unpopular in high school.
So now when I goto my therapist,
I'm always talkingabout high school.
But I don't know whyI go to this ther--
my therapist is soweird, all right?
I go in last week, shebrings her daughter
in to listen tomy session, right?
I'm like, what'sthis with the kid?
It's Career Day.
That was exciting, huh?
Yeah, we never talked toeach other in my family.
We communicated byputting Ann Landers
articles on the refrigerator.
So that was exciting.
My mother was always crying too.
She'd be doing thedishes-- [fake sobs]
Then we'd ask her what shewanted for her birthday,
she said the samething every year--
what do I want for my birthday?
I want you kids to get along.
All I want is peacein this house.
Well, we saved a lot of moneyon gifts, and that was exciting.
She was alwaysscreaming and yelling,
but never whencompany was around.
Everyone always thoughtshe was in a great mood.
She always faked it.
Because I remember I'd be withher in the kitchen as a kid,
the phone wouldring-- get the [bleep]
damn hell out of the kitchen.
I'm trying to cook!(NICE VOICE) Hello.
How are ya?
She just wroteher autobiography.
Pick it up.
It's in the stores now.
It's entitled, "I came,I saw, I criticized,"
so please pick that up.
My father, I-- youknow, see, my mother
I can talk to whenI have a problem.
My father I call with aproblem, he's-- he's weird.
He turns into, like, Ed McMahon.
I'll be like, Dad, I am reallyupset, I don't know what to do.
He will not listento me on the phone.
They've been married 36 years.
They're a very happy couple.
They just celebratedtheir anniversary.
We got them ananswering machine,
which is, like, the stupidestgift to give your parents,
because no one ever calls myparents except for their kids.
So my mother put the appropriatemessage on the machine-- look,
we're not here right now, ifyou'd like to leave a message,
If you don't wantto leave one, don't.
We're not going to be makingdecisions for you anymore.
You have to make up yourown [bleep] damn minds.
The whole family's--my Aunt Sylvia
came over for theanniversary party.
All right, is this the craziestthing you've ever heard?
Her husband died 30 years ago.
She can't get over it.
She turns everything thathe owned into something.
We're sitting at the dinnertable, she walks over to me.
She says, so, what do youthink of this necklace?
I'm like, it's nice.
Dave's old belt buckle.
Then she goes, what do youthink of these little round ball
I'm like, I don'teven want to know, OK?
You guys have been great.