DL Hughley - Kobe Bryant

DL Hughley: Shocked and Appalled Season 1, Ep 101 05/15/2005 Views: 3,774

DL Hughley doesn't understand why people who live in trailers don't just drive away when they see a hurricane coming. (2:10)

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HE GOT OFF, MAN.

KOBE, I DID--

I AM--

I DON'T KNOW.

I, I JUST DIDN'T BELIEVE IT.

[APPLAUSE]

KOBE BRYANT TAUGHT ME A LOT,

'CAUSE I NEVER ORDER

ROOM SERVICE AGAIN AS LONG AS

I LIVE.

"HEY GIRL, DROP IT OFF IN THE

HALLWAY, I PICK IT UP WHEN YOU

WALK AWAY."

'CAUSE I AIN'T GOT NO $4 MILLION

TO BUY MY WIFE A PURPLE DIAMOND

TO APOLOGIZE.

[LAUGHTER]

IF A HALLMARK CARD AIN'T GETTING

IT DONE WE AIN'T STAYING

TOGETHER.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

NOW THE WOMAN THAT SAID KOBE

RAPED HER HAD THREE DUDES SEAMAN

INSIDE HER.

THAT'S THE ALLEGATION.

THREE DUDES.

SHE HAD MORE [BLEEP] IN HER

THAN A SNICKER BAR.

AIN'T THAT SOMETHING?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I MEAN I'M NOT SAYING SHE DIDN'T

GET RAPED, BUT I AM SAYING SHE

AIN'T NO STRANGER TO [BLEEP].

THAT'S THE ONLY THING I KNOW.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND WHITE FOLK, I'M TIRED OF

Y'ALL, WE GONNA HELP Y'ALL OUT.

IF YOU KNOW ANYBODY WHO LIVES

IN A HURRICANE AREA...

[LAUGHTER]

IN A TRAILER PARK...

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

LET THEM KNOW THAT IF

YOUR HOUSE IS ON WHEELS...

AND THE HURRICANE IS COMING...

DRIVE THE [BLEEP] OFF!

DRIVE OFF.

JUST, JUST PULL AWAY.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

BLACK PEOPLE WE GET THE HELL OUT

WHEN A HURRICANE IS COMING.

WE HOPE IT BLOW ON THE FIRST DAY

WHEN WE AIN'T GOT TO PAY RENT.

[LAUGHTER]

"I'M NOT PAYING FOR THIS HOUSE

THAT AIN'T HERE NO MORE.

YOU SEE IT?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I'M NOT..."

WHITE PEOPLE WON'T RUN,

[CAUCASIAN ACCENT] "I'M NOT

GONNA RUN.

GIVE ME SOME NAILS AND SOME

WOOD."

[HAMMERING SOUND]

THEY PUT THEY DOGS IN THE HOUSE.

YOU KNOW BLACK PEOPLE'S DOGS

CATCH HELL IN A HURRICANE.

THEY AIN'T GOING IN THE HOUSE.

THEY BE OUTSIDE GOING, "OH JES--

OH...

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

HELP!"

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]