RodMan - Marriage

  • Season 10 , Ep 4
  • 02/23/2006
  • Views: 9,160

Marriage is not settling down; it's very unsettling. (3:47)

THAT'S A-- THAT'S A HARD WORD TO SAY, YOU KNOW?

JUST, YEAH, WHEN YOU'RE MARRIED, THAT'S A HARD JOB.

'CAUSE IT'S LIKE CLOCKIN' IN AND CLOCKIN' OUT, YOU KNOW.

PEOPLE SAY, "HOW YOU STAY MARRIED?

AND I SAY, "WELL,I JUST KEEP GOIN' HOME."

THAT'S PRETTY MUCH HOW YOU STAY RIGHT THERE.

'CAUSE THE DAY YOU DON'T GO HOME, IT'S PRETTY MUCH OVER.

SO YOU DON'T REALLY WANT TO BE THERE NO MORE.

BUT THEY CALL MARRIAGE "SETTLIN' DOWN."

YOU GONNA SETTLE DOWN AND START A FAMILY.

IT'S NOT SETTLIN' DOWN. MARRIAGE IS VERY UNSETTLING.

IT'S NOT A VERY SETTLING SITUATION.

YOU SETTLE A LOSS OF-- YOU KNOW--

YOU ON TRIAL IN MARRIAGE, PRETTY MUCH,

'CAUSE EVERYTHING IS A QUESTION.

"HOW LONG YOU GONNA BE GONE? WHAT YOU WANT TO EAT?

HOW DOES THIS LOOK ON ME?" YOU DON'T KNOW THE ANSWERS

TO NONE OF THESE QUESTIONS, YOU KNOW?

YOU BE LIKE, "IT LOOK LIKE IT LOOK.

YOU KNEW HOW YOU BE LOOKIN' BEFORE YOU PUT IT ON."

YOU DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

BUT IT'S A PARTNERSHIP,YOU KNOW?

THAT'S WHY IT'S A PARTNERSHIP.

AND THE KEY THING TO REMEMBER, THAT YOUR WIFE IS YOUR PARTNER.

THAT'S YOUR DOLL. THAT'S YOUR HOME GIRL.

'CAUSE MY WIFE TOLD ME, "WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL

I WANTED TO BE A HOUSEWIFE." AND I BE LIKE, "WHOA.

"I'M GLAD YOU GREW OUTTA THAT

"'CAUSE THAT IS NOT THE TYPE OF PARTNER I'M LOOKIN' FOR

"RIGHT THERE AT ALL. YOU KNOW, I WANT A PARTNER

THAT'S AMBITIOUS AND KNOW WHAT SHE WANNA DO WITH HER LIFE."

YOU KNOW, YEAH, 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT NO WOMAN THAT DON'T WANNA WORK.

'CAUSE PEOPLE SAY, "YOU WANT A HOUSE--"

THAT'S AN INSECURE MAN THAT DON'T WANT HIS WOMAN TO WORK.

YEAH, LET HE GO TO WORK. TWO CHECKS IS BETTER THAN ONE,

THAT'S HOW I LOOK AT IT. THAT'S SEXY WHEN A LADY SAY,

"PUT THAT ON MY CARD." AND I BE LIKE, "YEAH,

PUT THAT ON HER CARD. YEAH, I LIKE THAT."

BUT YOU GOTTA KEEP A FIRE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

HOW YOU KEEP, YOU KNOW YOURLITTLE FIRE IN THE RELATIONSHIP.

YOU GOTTA DO THELITTLE ROMANTIC THINGS,

YOU KNOW LIKE SOMETIMES ME AND MY WIFE,

WE'LL RENT AN ADULT VIDEO, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE WE GROWN.

WE HAVE PRETTY MUCH PAID OUR DUES.

AND I LIKE IT 'CAUSE IT'S JUST US

'CAUSE IT'S ABILLION-DOLLAR INDUSTRY.

SO I KNOW IT AIN'T JUST ME WHO RENT TAPES, YOU KNOW,

'CAUSE I AIN'T GOT THAT KINDA MONEY.

SO IT'S OTHER PEOPLE ARE PARTICIPATIN' IN THIS.

YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT ADULT VIDEO.

LIKE WHEN YOU WAS A CHILD, YOU RENTED CHILDREN VIDEO.

YOU WATCHED CHILDREN VIDEOS. YOU LEARNT LITTLE STUFF.

IT WAS EDUCATIONAL.AND YOU HAD LITTLE SONGSAND EVERYTHING.

SO THAT'S LIKE AN ADULT VIDEO IS EDUCATIONAL.

YOU GOT LITTLE SONG. YEAH, YOU GOT LITTLE--

YOU BE LIKE, "I LIKE THAT SONG," YOU KNOW?

BUT YOU DO. SOMETIMES YOU LEARN STUFF ON AN ADULT VIDEO

THAT YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THEY HAD STARTED YET.

'CAUSE I WAS WATCHIN' ONE TIME AND THE LITTLE DUDE,

HE WAS JUST STANDIN' THERE IN THE NUDE.

AND THE LADY CAME IN AND SHE BE LIKE,

"DO YOU WANT ME TO JIGGLE YOUR LITTLE BUDDIES?"

AND I BE LIKE, "WHOA, WHAT IS JIGGLIN' YOUR LITTLE BUDDIES?"

YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE I HAVE NEVER HAD THAT DONE TO ME AT ALL.

BUT I FIGURED THAT WOULD BESOMETHIN' THAT WOULD INTEREST ME

RIGHT THERE. AND SHE WAS LIKE,

"YEAH, I'M GONNA JIGGLEYOUR LITTLE BUDDIES."

AND SHE JUST STARTED-- LITTLE BUDDIES I FOUND OUT

WAS THE LITTLE-- YOUR LITTLE FAMILY JEWELS.

AND SHE JUST STARTED JIGGLIN' THE LITTLE BUDDIES.

AND EVIDENTLY, IT FEEL GOOD 'CAUSE THE MAN WAS LIKE,

"OH! OH! THAT FEELS GREAT!"

AND I WAS LIKE, "WHOA. THAT MUST FEEL GREAT.

I WANT MY LITTLE BUDDIESJIGGLED TOO," YOU KNOW?

AND I LOOK OVER AT MY WIFE, AND SHE WAS LIKE,

"I AIN'T JIGGLIN' YOUR LITTLE BUDDIES.

I AIN'T-- FORGET ABOUT IT. I DON'T PLAY THAT GAME."

AND I WAS LIKE, "SEE, YOU'RE NOT A TEAM PLAYER.

"YOU'RE NOT A TEAM PLAYER. YOU'RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT

WITH THAT KINDA ATTITUDE RIGHT THERE," YES?

I BE LIKE, "I SEEN THE TAPE, I JIGGLE MY OWN LITTLE BUDDIES.

I JIGGLE MY OWN LITTLE BUDDIES.

IT'S A NICE LITTLE ACTIVITYIF YOU AIN'T GOT NOTHIN' TO DO."

I DAMN NEAR GOT A HERNIA, BUT IT FELT GREAT, YOU KNOW?

I WAS LIKE, "I GOTTA GET SOME MORE TRAININ'

'CAUSE THIS IS NOT GOIN' LIKE HE WAS ENJOYIN' HISSELF."

BUT THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL THING TO DO.

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