Bonnie McFarlane - Crackwhore Babies

  • Season 12 , Ep 11
  • 02/14/2008
  • Views: 11,308

The FDA is bound to approve crack as a fertility drug. (2:59)

IT'S SUCH A GREAT TIMETO HAVE A BABY.

'CAUSE EVERYBODY'S HAVING BAB--BABIES ARE SO HOT RIGHT NOW.

EVERYBODY'S-- BABIES--THEY'RE NOT JUST FORPUERTO RICANS ANYMORE.

- HA-- YEAH, SO... YES.- [CHEERS, OH'S & APPLAUSE]

I THINK A LOT OF PEOPLEARE REALIZING THEY DON'T

HAVE TO START A FAMILYTHE OLD FASHIONED WAY.

YOU KNOW,GETTING ROOFIEDAT A PARTY.

THEY'RE SAYING TO THEMSELVES,"HEY, WE HAVE OPTIONS.

WE COULD ADOPT.OR WE COULD ABDUCT."

[LAUGHTER]

ISN'T IT WEIRD THATANYONE WOULD STEAL A BABY?

THAT IS SO CRAZY TO ME,THAT ANYONE WOULD STEAL A--

WHEN THEY ARESO EASY TO MAKE.

I DID IT IN THE FRONTINSTEAD OF THE BACK ONE TIME.NINE MONTHS LATER, KATRINA.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THAT'S DIRTY.THAT'S DIRTY.

NOT EVERYONE CAN MAKE--I GUESS THERE'S KINDA THIS

PHENOMENON GOING ON RIGHT NOW,THERE'S ALL THESE

UPPER MIDDLE CLASS WOMENTHAT DESPERATELY, DESPERATELY

WANNA HAVE BABIESBUT THEY CAN'T CONCEIVE.

AND NOBODY REALLY UNDERSTANDSWHY THAT IS.

AND IT'S ACTUALLY,IT'S VERY SAD, YOU KNOW.

BUT LIKE WHAT I DON'T GETIS LIKE THERE'S ALL THESE

CRACK WHORESHAVING UNWANTED BAB--AND BY "CRACK WHORES,"

I DON'T MEANREALLY GOOD WHORES.YOU KNOW, I MEAN,

THEY'RE ON THE PIPE,THOSE ONES.

BUT THEY'RE HAVINGALL THESE UNWANTED--

WHY DON'T THESE RICH WOMENWHO REALLY WANNA HAVE KIDS--

WHY DON'T THEY TRYSMOKING CRACK, RIGHT?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YES, EXACTLY.IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME

BEFORE THE FDA APPROVES ITAS A FERTILITY DRUG.

THEN THE PRICE OF CRACKIS GONNA SKYROCKET.

I SORTA WISH NOWTHAT I HAD HAD TWINS.BECAUSE THEN

I COULD SELL ONE.MAKE SOME REAL CASH.

I HAVE AN IDENTICAL TWIN SISTER.AND-- SHE IS SMOKIN' HOT.

WOW, IT'S CRAZY.I'M NOT KIDDIN' AROUND.

IT'S SICK.IT'S LIKE LOOKIN' IN A MIRROR.

[LAUGHTER, CATCALLS & APPLAUSE]

I DON'T KNOWWHAT I'D DO WITHOUT HER.I REALLY DON'T.

WE'RE SO CLOSE.OBVIOUSLY, WE'RE VERY SIMILAR.

WE LOOK THE SAME.WE SOUND THE SAME.

WE HAVE THE EXACT SAMESENSE OF HUMOR.

THE ONLY THING THAT'SDIFFERENT ABOUT US IS THAT

SHE'S ON THE WAITING LISTFOR A NEW KIDNEY

AND I HAVETWO PERFECTLY HEALTHY ONES.

- SO...- [LAUGHTER]

I'M NOT GONNA GETMIXED UP IN HER DRAMA.YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

I WOULD NEVER DONATE AN ORGAN.I JUST THINK IT'S TACKY.

IT'S LIKE REGIFTING...NO.

[LAUGHTER]

MY SISTER LOVES THAT JOKE.SHE'S HERE TONIGHT.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE.SHE'S PROBABLY IN THETOP BALCONY SOMEWHERE.

BUT SHE'S VERY SUPPORTIVE.AND IF YOU SEE HER,

YOU'LL KNOWIT'S HER IMMEDIATELY.

SHE'S GOT ADIALYSIS MACHINE. SO...

[LAUGHTER]

OOH, CONNIE, WAY TO GO.SHE'S OUT AND ABOUT.

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