(upbeat instrumental music)
- You took-
- Penis pills.
- I took a penis pill.
- Why take these pills?
- I really just wanted to see
what it would be liketo get a chemical boner.
- Just kind of wanted to put a little
extra something in there, you know.
- I buy this one that has a big gorilla picture on it.
- Do you know that gorillas actually have
penises that are this small?
- You just thought these pills would make your penis
one of those, like, inflatable things
outside a car dealership, just like,
make people come to your boners, like...
- I forget what kind they were, but, uh...
- Would you remember if you heard it?
- Probably so.
- Okay, was it Semen Strong?
- Max Load?
- Bone Sweet Bone?
- No, it wasn't Bone Sweet Bone.
- Was it Jizz Cannon Overspew Y2K?
Was it Dick Hole Sun?
- No, I don't...
- Won't you come?
- Me, come?
- ♪ Wash away...
What about Oooh, You Nasty?
Jerk du So Laid?
Ween Bay Packers?
Dick van Dyke?
Was it Executive Produce by Dick Wolf?
- I don't think so.
- Walker, Texas Dangler?
- Was it Knock Knock? Who's There?
- No, no, it wasn't.
- You're not, I'm not done.
It's a long name.
Oh, was it Jizz based on the novel Balls by Sapphire?
Was it Mmmmfff?
Was it "Hey Ladies, How Are Ya"?
- Uh, no.
Do you know what's in these pills?
- Do you care?
You don't know what's in those pills.
- Oh, yeah, true that.
- I do remember one chemical.
It was ...
- Did you even look at what was inside these pills?
- No, I didn't, you know?
- Yeah, that makes sense.
Why not go get a prescription for something
that is actually regulated?
- Seems like a lot of effort.
- Get Obamacare.
- Will he give me erections?
- Go see a real doctor.
Okay, Dr. Drew, in yourprofessional opinion,
what do you think of these gas station dick pills?
- At best, a waste of time.
At worst, dangerous.
- Do you know what exactly is in these pills besides-
- There's a lot of stuff.
You know, there'ssomething we used to use
back in the day when I was first practicing
- Isn't that the name of the gorilla that they shot?
What kind of dangers?
- It's like any other supplement.
The problem being, though, you don't know
when you're going to getsome adulterating agent
in there that couldharm you, in which case
you could really get serious complications.
You can get something called priapism.
- Which is...
- Which is a sustained,painful erection
that does not go away.
- You can need a surgerywhere they literally
have to splay the penisto relieve the pressure.
Whenever I want to get young men to do anything,
I just tell them it's going to affect their schlongs.
- Yeah, what about you, though, Dr. Drew?
- When you were young and dumb and full of questions.
- Did you ever say, "Hey, I'm going to do
"something like this.
"I'm going to try this."
- Hmm, we're reallygoing to get into this.
First of all, had therebeen such a pill around,
I probably would have taken it.
- Yeah, I probably... I was young and dumb for sure.
- Besides the splayedpenis priapism surgery,
what is the worst thing that could happen from them?
- Worst case, you could wind up dead.
- With a great dick.
- Mm-hmm (affirmative).
- [Voiceover] This message brought to you
by Los Angeles Independent Medical Providers.
- We've all been there.
You're at the checkout counter at your gas station, 7-11,
wherever you buy your shiny hot dogs,
and there greeting you is a rack of mystery dick pills.
They have names like Rock Hard Weekend, and you're like,
"I have my sister's graduation party.
"I don't want to be hard for that."
- Your dick is not a rhino.
- If you're a young dude with a limp dong,
you probably have intimacy issues.
Go talk to somebody.
- I'll talk to you about your penis.
- No, I mean like a doctor.
- I was a doctor in my home country.
- A pill can't fix a broken dicks.
- Because I think I speak for everyone
when I say I'd rather deal with a limp dick
than a dead person.
- Say no to gas station dick pills.
It's my proudest moment.
Right here, this is it.