Demetri Martin - Interest in Kids

Demetri Martin: Standup Comedian 09/29/2012 Views: 11,926

Using a graph, Demetri Martin demonstrates how interesting he finds other people's children. (2:23)

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but they'restructurally unstable.

When I start eating it,I'm like, "This is good,"

but then I start thinking,"There's gonna be trouble soon.

"One of these sidesis gonna fall off.

"It's gonna ruin my carpet.

This is gonna suck."

It's time to updatepopsicle sticks.

Now I don't have to worry.That's a little better.

Plus, I could makea crazy bridge

out of these.

This is how interestingyou find your children,

and this is how interestingI find your children.

Which is how you want it,by the way.

That's how it should be.

You don't wantthe opposite.

This is--That's not mean.

That's nature.That's correct.

Okay.

Pets are numericallyinteresting.

If you have one,that's okay.

If you have four,you're desperate.

If you have 32,you look crazy.

What's interesting is that teethare the exact opposite.

I think it's timewe update elevator buttons.

Yeah.

If you're a manand you're wearing a fur coat

and you're not an Eskimo,then you're a douche bag.

Okay, this is a diagram.

This is the interiorof the head

of a man who cut me offin traffic a few weeks ago.

That's [bleep].

Finally, this is the amounta guy looks like Jesus

versus the probabilitythat he has pot.

The morehe looks like Jesus,

the more likely he isto have pot,

till we get to a critical point."This one's on a cross.

"Uh-oh. We made a mistake.Let's get out of here."

And that's an end.

Thanks, everybody.