Jake Johannsen - Phone Cons

Keller, Barham, Maron Season 2, Ep 22 05/24/1993 Views: 1,228

They want your credit card number. (1:49)

is that no one can call me onthe phone while I'm doing it.

Because I've been having,you know this thing where,

the people who call me now,half of them are my friends

and the other half are theselike salesman or con artists,

you know, these guys thatcall you up and tell you

that you've alreadywon a great prize.

All you have to do is buy like$100 worth of their vitamins

or butt lotion orsomething else.

You know.

Something you don't even need.

And then and theytell you the prizes.

And it's a list of prizes.

You know which one you wonafter you hear the list.

Congratulations, Mr. Johannsen.

You have won a 1993Chevy Blazer or $10,000

in cash or a diamond style ring.

You know.

Yeah.

A diamond style ring.

What is a diamond style ring?

Well, you knowwhat a diamond is?

Yeah.

Well, it's like that.

What is it worth?

Well, value is so subjective.

You know?

Why, if you couldsell it for $10,000,

it would be worth$10,000, now wouldn't it?

Yeah.

But I just I can't believeyou don't want to win a brand

new car.

Why, I do.

I'm just pretty surethat I won the ring.

You're worried about ring.

The odds that you won thering are infinitesimal.

Why is that?

We've been givingaway a lot of rings.

OK.

Well, so send me the car then.

I'm sorry I can't dothat, Mr. Johannsen.

I can't tell youwhich prize you won

until you buy our butt lotion.

Well, I don't needany butt lotion.

It's not about butt lotion.

It's about fabulous prizes.

Uh, yeah, like adiamond style ring.

Exactly.

Now give us yourcredit card number.

They always want your-- Youknow I'm not going to give you--

Why, are you crazy?

You don't want to win a car?

I just don't want adiamond style ring.

That's all.

It's really good butt lotion.

This is not drugstorebutt lotion.

This is salonquality butt lotion.