Kurt Braunohler - Open Bar

Kurt Braunohler Season 3, Ep 13 07/25/2014 Views: 9,622

Kurt Braunohler handles an open bar much like a small dog would handle a five-pound bag of sugar. (1:50)

All right. It's time forsome of my classic

M. Night Yo-mom-alan jokes.

Those are "yo mama" jokes

with very surprising endings.

(crowd laughing)

Yo mama's so fat,

she's been dead this whole time.

Can't continue with that.It's too dumb.

All right. I...

I thought up that joke

when I was drunk.

Uh, and...it was at an open bar,

and I don't know how you guysdeal with open bars,

but I really go to town.

I really go to townat an open bar.

I, uh...(woman whoops)

Like, the only wayI can explain to you

how I operate at an open baris to tell you a story.

When I was a kid, uh,we were out of the house

for, like, eight hours.

And my cat knockeda five-pound bag

of powdered sugaronto the ground.

And then my ten-pound poodleproceeded to eat

all five poundsof powdered sugar.

And I can

only imagine his day

where, like,manna falls from the heavens.

He gets into it.

It goes down easy.It's powdered sugar!

But I'm sure, like,two pounds in,

he's like, "Ooh.

"I'm not feeling too good,I'm gonna...

have to take a break here."

But something in hislittle doggy mind was like...

"But when is thisgonna happen again?

"Let's get back in there!

Let's finish all five pounds."

He does, he's sick fortwo weeks, he vomits every day.

That's how I am at an open bar.