Tig Notaro - Drop Out

  • Season 8 , Ep 21
  • 05/13/2004
  • Views: 21,798

If you drop out of school, you will become a stripper. (2:43)

I WENT ON A HARDCORE DRINKINGAND SMOKING BINGE.

AND IT LATEST RIGHT ABOUT NINEMONTHS.

AND THEN, AS SOON AS I WASBORN...

[LAUGHTER]IT WAS LIKE WHEW!

DO NOT GO IN THERE.

[LAUGHTER]AFTER I MOVED OUT OF THE HOUSE

I USED TO COME HOME TO VISIT.

AND MY MOTHER AND I WOULD SIT UP'TIL ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT,

TALKING, AND SHE'D BE HAVING ACOCKTAIL, AND SHE'D SAY, "TIG,

TELL ME SOME MORE STORIES ABOUTWHAT YOU WERE LIKE AS A CHILD."

[LAUGHTER]I WAS LIKE, "ALRIGHT, ONE MORE.

I THINK IT'S SOMEONE'S BEDTIME."

[LAUGHTER]THIS LAST TIME I WAS VISITING,

SHE WAS LIKE, "TIG, REMEMBERWHEN YOU WERE A LITTLE BOY?"

[LAUGHTER]I WAS LIKE, "VAGUELY."

"BUT KEEP GOING, YOU'VE PEAKEDMY INTEREST."

[LAUGHTER]HERE'S SOMETHING KIND OF WEIRD.

I'VE BEEN BATTLING SIDS MY WHOLELIFE.

[LAUGHTER]BUT I'VE BEEN ONE OF THE UNUSUAL

CASES.

MINE HASN'T BEEN SO SUDDEN.

IT'S STILL FRIGHTENING TO KNOWI COULD GO AT ANY MOMENT.

[LAUGHTER]I WAS ONE OF THOSE KIDS THAT

FINISHED SCHOOL EARLY,BY DROPPING OUT.

[LAUGHTER]THANK YOU.

[LAUGHTER]AND WHEN I DID DROP OUT,

A TEACHER OF MINE, I REMEMBERHER TELLING ME THAT A FRIEND

OF HERS DROPPED OUT AND ENDED UPA STRIPPER ON DRUGS.

KIND OF INSINUATING THE SAMETHING WAS PROBABLY GONNA HAPPEN

TO ME.

ME.

[LAUGHTER]I DON'T KNOW.

MY LACK OF INTEREST IN ALGEBRAAND AMERICAN HISTORY HARDLY

MAKES ME WANT TO DANCE TOPLESS.

[LAUGHTER]IN FACT, I'VE NEVER EVEN DANCED

WITH MY SHIRT ON.

JUST NOT MUCH OF A DANCER,I GUESS.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]I'D LIKE TO SEND A MESSAGE OUT

TO THE KIDS AT HOME, ACTUALLY,IF I COULD.

AH...

STAY IN SCHOOL.

DO NOT DROP OUT.

'CAUSE IF YOU DO, THERE'S ACHANCE YOU COULD END UP ON TV

WITH YOUR OWN COMEDY SPECIALMAKIN'--

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

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