Theo Von - Bang Faster

Theo Von Season 1, Ep 7 06/01/2012 Views: 2,652

Theo Von discusses the problems with being white, describes Mexican women's attitude toward sex and shares an unusual interaction with a blow-up doll. (3:24)

Hell, yeah, good to be heretonight, huh?

Nice little crowd, huh?

You guys beenhaving a good time?


Eff yes, man.

Good to be here.

Just got backfrom New York City.



I don't know, buddy bear, uh...

Dude, people areso angry there.

I said hello to a guy.

He said "No."

I was like"Man, who (bleep) your fuñata?"

That's where Mexicanskeep their fun.

Got a nice crowd tonight, huh?Little bit of diversity.

Where my white people at?


(bleep), yeah, we're still here.

That's our motto in America.

They are phasing us out.

I'm serious. Hell, yeah.Mexicans bang faster.

Blacks bang better.

Nobody wants to bangwhite people anymore,

not even other white people.

Dude, Mexicans are serious.

They procreate seriously.

A Mexican woman will sneakinto your nuts to get a baby.

Where my Mexican women at?

(sparse woos)

You hear that? Mating call.

Dude, they want a babyevery time.

They (bleep) for keeps.

They want every (bleep)to grow up.

Dude, even if you just jerk offby a Mexican girl,

she'll try to, like,

catch it in her vagitile.

Like that... Mm...


They do that dance

to make sure it's in there.

♪ Bah-ba-da-da-da

♪ A baby already

A Mexican girl makea baby in an hour.

Got a vagina like a microwave.

Dude, I won't even masturbate

to Mexican porn on my computer

'cause my printerwill just start

printing off picturesof children. (whooshing)

Oh, this is my son, Papelito.


This is my daughter, Páginas.

That means "little paper"and "little pages."

Those jokes are for the kids.(chuckles)

I hooked up with one Mexicangirl like a year ago.

She's like,"What are we going to name it?"

Like, "Name it? I'm justtaking my pants off, um..."


Is that a cute Mexican name?

And they are serious, man.

They're sneaking inour country too, these Mexicans.

Not a few, like,you know, millions.

I live on the beachin, uh, California.

Sometimes I just go watch them

come in the morning just...(whooshing)


I'm like, "Those waveshave luggage." (chuckles)

They are sneaky.

They could be tunnelingunder here right now.


You never know.

Find unique waysto get in our country.

I bought a blowup dollthe other day,

blew it up,it's a Mexican lady.

Made me blow upthree of her kids.

The Inflatables family.

Living at my house.

I'm like, "These mother(bleep)snuck in through my lungs."