PEOPLE ALWAYS TRYING TO LOOK

GOOD.

GOING TO THE TAN...

YOU LOOK TAN, MA'AM.

DO YOU GO TO THE TANNING SALON?

>> NO.

Harland Williams: NO.

WHAT DO YOU DO MA'AM, JUST LAY

OUT IN THE SUN?

>> TIME TO TIME.

Harland Williams: TIME TO TIME.

YOU'RE LIKE A GOLDEN RETRIEVER

OVER THERE.

[LAUGHTER]

THERE'S BRONZE GLORY RIGHT HERE.

WHAT A TREAT.

WHAT A TREAT.

[LAUGHTER]

I WENT TO THE TANNING SALON

COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO, MAN.

THIS PLACE CALLED TANTASTIC.

I'D NEVER BEEN IN MY LIFE.

I DIDN'T KNOW HOW THE WHOLE

TANNING SALON PROCESS WORKED.

I GO IN.

STUPID GIRL THAT WORKS THERE

DIDN'T TELL ME WHERE THOSE

LITTLE GOGGLES GO.

[LAUGHTER AND GROANS]

I ACCIDENTALLY PUT THEM ON MY

NUT SACK!

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

I GOT HOME THAT NIGHT, GOT NAKED

IN FRONT OF MY LADY FRIEND.

SHE KICKED ME RIGHT BETWEEN

THE LEGS, THOUGHT A GIANT

DRAGONFLY WAS LOOSE IN THE ROOM.

[LAUGHTER]

THAT'S RIGHT, I SAID, GIANT

DRAGONFLY.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND THEN DIG THIS.

LAST WEEK, SHE HAD THE NERVE,

THE ULTIMATE INSULT, SHE HAD

THE NERVE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT MY

STAMINA IN THE OLD SACKAROONI.

SO THIS IS WHAT I DID.

I POPPED SIX VIAGRA AND I DRANK

A CASE OF RED BULL.

[LAUGHTER]

HER FUNERAL'S THIS TUESDAY.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

SHE'S GOING DOWN, SUCKERS!

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]