PEOPLE ALWAYS TRYING TO LOOK
GOOD.
GOING TO THE TAN...
YOU LOOK TAN, MA'AM.
DO YOU GO TO THE TANNING SALON?
>> NO.
Harland Williams: NO.
WHAT DO YOU DO MA'AM, JUST LAY
OUT IN THE SUN?
>> TIME TO TIME.
Harland Williams: TIME TO TIME.
YOU'RE LIKE A GOLDEN RETRIEVER
OVER THERE.
[LAUGHTER]
THERE'S BRONZE GLORY RIGHT HERE.
WHAT A TREAT.
WHAT A TREAT.
[LAUGHTER]
I WENT TO THE TANNING SALON
COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO, MAN.
THIS PLACE CALLED TANTASTIC.
I'D NEVER BEEN IN MY LIFE.
I DIDN'T KNOW HOW THE WHOLE
TANNING SALON PROCESS WORKED.
I GO IN.
STUPID GIRL THAT WORKS THERE
DIDN'T TELL ME WHERE THOSE
LITTLE GOGGLES GO.
[LAUGHTER AND GROANS]
I ACCIDENTALLY PUT THEM ON MY
NUT SACK!
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
I GOT HOME THAT NIGHT, GOT NAKED
IN FRONT OF MY LADY FRIEND.
SHE KICKED ME RIGHT BETWEEN
THE LEGS, THOUGHT A GIANT
DRAGONFLY WAS LOOSE IN THE ROOM.
[LAUGHTER]
THAT'S RIGHT, I SAID, GIANT
DRAGONFLY.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
AND THEN DIG THIS.
LAST WEEK, SHE HAD THE NERVE,
THE ULTIMATE INSULT, SHE HAD
THE NERVE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT MY
STAMINA IN THE OLD SACKAROONI.
SO THIS IS WHAT I DID.
I POPPED SIX VIAGRA AND I DRANK
A CASE OF RED BULL.
[LAUGHTER]
HER FUNERAL'S THIS TUESDAY.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
SHE'S GOING DOWN, SUCKERS!
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]