Kyle Cease - Red Rover

  • Season 10 , Ep 24
  • 05/11/2006
  • Views: 18,941

Elementary school had the crappiest doctors. (2:41)

THANK YOU. OH MY GOD, THIS IS THE COOLEST THING EVER.

AND THEN YOU'RE ALL HERE AND THEN THERE'S BALCONIES

AND THEN THERE'SA THIRD BALCONY JUST INCASE THE FIRST ONE

BREAKS DOWN. I THINK THAT'S SO AWESOME. I'M JUST KIDDING-- PSYCH.

REMEMBER PSYCHFROM ELEMENTARY SCHOOL?

HEY, YOU'RE COOL-- PSYCH. I HATE YOU, BITCH.

I THINK WE NEEDTO BRING PSYCH BIZZACK.

AND BIZZACK IS RAP FOR BACK. I LEARNED A LOT OF RAP.

AND I DIDN'T LIKE IT ORIGINALLY 'TIL I REALIZED IT SPEAKS THE TRUTH.

BECAUSE ONE DAY I BOUGHT A SHAKE AND THESE BOYS CAME INTO MY YARD.

AND I WAS LIKE, "GET OUT OF MY YARD, BOYS."

- [LAUGHTER] - HOW FUNNY IS THAT JOKE?

I'M JUST KIZZIDING. RAP FOR KIDDING.

WE HAVE SO MUCH STUFF IN KIZZOMMO RAP FOR COMMON.

I LIKE YOU GUYS A LOT, 'CAUSE YOU'RE YOUNG.

ANYBODY REMEMBER RECESS?DON'T YOU MISS RECESS?

- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]- I MISS RECESS SO MUCH.

I FEEL LIKE AS WE GET OLDERWE SHOULD HAVE RECESS.

NOW THAT WE HAVE LIKE WARS AND VISA BILLS,

WE SHOULD HAVE 15 MINUTES ON THE SLIDE EVERY DAY.

YOU GO TO PLAY A GAME OF RED ROVER AND THE GIRLS ARE LIKE,

[HIGH VOICE] "BOYS AGAINST GIRLS."

AND THAT'S HOW THEY TALKAND THEIR HIPS CAME OUT.

AND YOU'RE LIKE OKAY,AND THEN YOU GO OUTSIDE.

AND AT THAT AGE, ALL THE GUYS WERE LIKE 4'2"

AND ALL THE GIRLSWERE LIKE 6'10", RIGHT?

AND IT GOT BRUTAL BECAUSESUZIE JUST GOT HER FIRST PERIOD

AND SHE'S PISSED, YOU KNOW. AND-- YEAH,

YOU GOT IN THE BATTLE OF THE CENTURY.

AND YOU GO TO THESCHOOL NURSE'S OFFICE.

AND ELEMENTARY SCHOOLHAD THE CRAPPIEST DOCTORS EVER.

YOU COULD GO IN THERE ON FIRE AND SHE'D BE LIKE,

"WELL, I CAN'T GIVE YOU ANY ASPIRIN.

"TRY LYING DOWN ON THE UNCOMFORTABLE COT FOR TEN MINUTES.

"DON'T WORRY, I'LL GIVE YOU A CRAPPY BROWN PAPER TOWEL

FOR YOUR FOREHEAD." AND THEN YOU REMEMBER THOSE

BROWN CHEMISTRY CLASS PAPER TOWELS THAT WE HAD

THAT WERE ACTUALLY WATER REPELLENT?

YOU COULDN'T PICK WATER UP AT ALL WITH THOSE THINGS.

YOU JUST PUSHED IT AROUND THE TABLE ALL DAY UNTIL IT FELL OFF.

YOU'RE LIKE, "HMMM, HMMM, I MOVED IT 'CAUSE OF ME."

AND THAT'S WHAT I USED TO SAY.

I ALWAYS FELT BAD GOING TO THE NURSE'S OFFICE

'CAUSE I NEVERREALLY WAS SICK.

I JUST WANTED TO GET OUT OF DOING STUFF.

I ALWAYS ENDED UP NEXT TOTHAT KID WHO WITH TUBES

COMING OUT OF HIS ASS AND HE'S THROWING UP INTO A BUCKET.

I'M HAVING DIARRHEA INTO A TUBE AND I THREW UP THREE TIMES,

WHAT DO YOU HAVE? AND I'M LIKE "I HAVE A TEST COMING UP."

AND I HAVE TO RUNTHE MILE WITH YOU BUDDY,SO HERE'S YOUR FINGER.

YOU MIGHT WANNA HOLD ON TO THAT.

I MADE HIM A LEPER. I THOUGHT THAT'D BE FUNNY IF HE WAS A LEPER.

- WOULDN'T THAT BE FUN? - [LAUGHTER]

IT'S PRETTY FUN, RIGHT, SIR? HIGH FIVE, HE'S A LEPER.

COME HERE. NO, YOU GOTTA-- WHAT'S THIS LAZY [BLEEP]?

IT-- ARRRH--MAAAA-- I LIKE--

COME SLAP MY HAND BECAUSE WE'RE FRIENDS.

I'M JUST KIDDING-- PSYCH, I HATE YOU.

- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] - SO, THAT'S FUN.

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