#HashtagWars - #CrappyCompliments

Wednesday, July 20, 2016 07/20/2016 Views: 332

Jon Heder, Will Sasso and Chris D'Elia dish out compliments that are far from sincere. (2:05)

It's now timefor tonight's #HashtagWars.

(cheering, applause)

We've all had to dealwith online haters

in some form or another,possibly every day,

but because subtlety and nuanceare totally not things

on the Internet,sometimes intended compliments

seem like sick burns.

@Hardwick...

(laughter)

So in honorof this backhanded phenomenon,

tonight's hashtagis #CrappyCompliments.

Examples might be:You kiss better than Daddy;

or: Nice Daewoo,Your (bleep) Highness.

I'm gonna put 60 secondson the clock, and begin.

-D'Elia. -You're very wellbehaved for your race.

-Points.-(groans, applause)

(laughter)

Uh, Asian! It was Asian!

Ah! Ah!I was just gonna say,

-it had to be.-It had to be.

-Will Sasso. -In my country,when you (bleep) yourself,

-it means you like the food.-All right, points.

-Chris. -Your wife's (bleep)feels great!

-Uh, points.-(whooping, applause)

-Jon Heder. -This isthe best sex I've ever had

at a Magic: The Gatheringconvention.

Points. Chris D'Elia.

(gasps)Are these your children?

I hope you don't mind me saying,but they're really sexy.

-(laughter, whooping)-Points.

(laughing):"I hope you don't mind."

"Oh, well, you prefaced itwith that, so..."

-Chris.-You're more beautiful

than the entire castof Making a Murderer.

-Points.-(laughter, groaning)

Put together.All of them put together.

(whooping, applause)

Jon.

Ooh. I've never smelledhair like yours

that smells likeauthentic diarrhea.

-Points. Authentic!-(groaning) -Authentic?

Not like that fake,store-bought diarrhea.

No, the kind you get on Amazon.

-Yeah.-That was a real one.

-The kind you getat the nature mart. -Yeah.

Hi. I'm... I'm Wilford Brimley

for Jon Heder'sAuthentic Diarrhea.