Jake Johannsen - Chinese Toilets

  • Season 7 , Ep 9
  • 04/03/2003
  • Views: 1,949

Jake tries out a porcelain hole. (2:03)

GO TO THE CHINESE BATHROOM,

WHICH IS A WHOLE NOTHER--

YEAH, THEY HAVE--

SOME OF THE BATHROOMS ARE JUST

LIKE HERE WHERE THEY HAVE A

SINK, TOILET, URINAL.

BUT NOT--

EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE YOU GO IN

ONE WHERE ALL IT IS--

IT'S JUST A HOLE IN THE FLOOR,

LIKE A PORCELAIN HOLE.

SO, SOMEWHERE THERE'S A FACTORY

THAT MAKES HOLE.

(LAUGHTER)

DON'T EVEN HAVE THAT

IN OUR TOILET CATALOG.

BUT, AH--

IT'S JUST A HOLE, YOU KNOW?

SO, IF YOU'RE A GUY, AND YOU

HAVE TO PRETTY, IT'S NO BIG

DEAL.

BUT YOU--

A COUPLE OF CHICKEN DOUGHNUTS...

(LAUGHTER)

YOU'RE LOOKING AT A TRICK SHOT.

AND I DIDN'T BRING AN ADAPTER

FOR THAT.

(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

YEAH, SO I'M TRYING TO DECI--

THERE'S NO INSTRUCTIONS ABOUT

HOW YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DEAL

WITH IT--

I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WELL,

SHOULD I TAKE MY PANTS OFF

COMPLETELY AND HANG THEM UP?

YOU KNOW?

WHAT ABOUT MY SHOES?

(LAUGHTER)

YEAH.

I DON'T FEEL RIGHT JUST

SQUATTING NAKED OVER A HOLE.

(LAUGHTER)

I START TO THINK WELL,

MAYBE THERE'S A YOGA MANEUVER

I'M SUPPOSED TO GET IN OR WHAT.

YEAH.

OR, MAYBE THEY'RE ALL WEARING

SPECIAL TROUSERS THAT FLAP OPEN

SO THEY CAN--

YEAH, SO THEY CAN DOWNLOAD.

I HAVE NO IDEA.

I COULD--

AS NEAR AS I COULD TELL,

THE CHINESE PEOPLE, THEY DON'T

HAVE TIME FOR A FULL SIT DOWN

EXPERIENCE.

THEY JUST COME IN, AND...

AND THEY'RE GONE.

DEAL WITH IT LATER.

YOU KNOW, BECAUSE THEY'RE BUSY,

THAT'S THE THING.

THERE'S SO MANY PEOP--

EVERYBODY TALKS ABOUT HOW MANY

PEOPLE THERE ARE IN CHINA,

HONG KONG.

SEVEN MILLION PEOPLE ON THIS

LITTLE ISLAND.

YOU KNOW, EVERYWHERE YOU GO

IT'S LIKE THE ROCK CONCERT JUST

LET OUT AND YOU'RE TRYING TO GET

TO YOUR CAR.

IT WAS LIKE, EXCUSE ME, YEAH,

SORRY, HI, I'D LIKE TO GO THAT

WAY.

YOU KNOW?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

WELL, IT'S UBELIEV---

YOU WANT TO START SCREAMING AT

PEOPLE IN THE STREET, YOU KNOW,

STOP (BLEEP).

YOU HAVE TO STOP (BLEEP).

(LAUGHTER)

YEAH.

IT'S TOO MANY PEOPLE.

YOU'RE GONNA BE STANDING IN

THE WATER PRETTY SOON, YOU KNOW?

AND THAT'S THE THING.

I DON'T THINK THEY CAN STOP,

BECAUSE IT'S SO CROWDED.

AS SOON AS YOU GET HOME AND TAKE

YOUR PANTS OFF, YOU'RE INSIDE

OF ANOTHER PERSON, YOU KNOW?

"OH, SORRY."

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