Uh, if you've never beenin a fire in a coal mine,
parenting is the worst thingthat will ever happen to you.
Be-- Parenting is a Ponzischeme created to sell
Being a parent is exactlylike being in jail, except
that the jail follows youaround and wants to talk
If you want to get thesensation of dressing a
2-year-old child, gettinghim into clothes, here's
what you do to get thesame experience: put a
rattlesnake into a goat.
That's not a typo.
That's exactlywhat it feels like.
There's only one upside sofar to parenting.
One-- Only one good thinghas come from me parenting.
I have a boy, and when youget to the potty training
stage, at some point youstart going together, which
is kind of fun.
You get camaraderie, andalso something like this can
happen to you, whichwas pretty great for me.
At one point we're both inthe bathroom, and my son
looks over and says,"Daddy, you have a
great, big penis."
To which my response is, "Yep,that's exactly right,
tiny little man with nosense of scale
So, uh, I used tolive here--
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