Richard Lewis - Sports

Steve Shaffer & Randy Credico Season 1, Ep 0106 02/24/1992 Views: 1,052

The Jewish Center League's sports mascot was the Embarrassment Boy. (2:11)

AND I'M AN OLD JEW AND I'M PROUDTO BE HERE FOR COMEDY CENTRAL.

ANYWAY, HERE'S THE DEAL, THOUGH.

I'VE BEEN THINKING,I HAVEN'T SLEPT FOR DAYS.

AND YOU KNOW THAT BECAUSESHE'S MY SWEAT AGENT.

I HAVE A SWEAT AGENT.

BUT I'VE BEEN--IT'S OLYMPIC FEVER NOW

EVERYONE'S THINKING OLYMPICSAND YOU KNOW, WE GET MEDALS

WHATEVER MEDALS MEAN.

AS LONG AS YOU HAVE YOUR HEALTH,QUITE FRANKLY.

BUT I WAS TOO SHORT TO PLAYIN JUNIOR HIGH OR IN HIGH SCHOOL

AND I LOVED SPORTS AND I WASIN THE JEWISH CENTER LEAGUE

AND WE HAD OUR OWN OLYMPICS

AND FORGET THE COLA WARS,WE HAD THE COLON WARS

WHICH WAS SORT OF SAD.

BUT LIKE THE RABBI WAS THEHEAD OF THE SPORTS DEPARTMENT

AND HE SAID,"LET THE INJURIES BEGIN."

WE DIDN'T HAVEA TORCH, YOU KNOW.

AND HE USED TO SAYLIKE IN A HUDDLE

IT WASN'T LIKE HOW YOU WON

IT WAS HOW YOU LOST WASWHAT WAS IMPORTANT

IN THE JEWISH CENTER LEAGUE.

LIKE THE 10-K RUN.

WE HAD A 10-K RUN.

I ACTUALLY DID IT.

I ACTUALLY, LIKE 30 YEARS AGO,I'M RUNNING

I'M 9.8 MILESAND ABOUT 20 FEET FROM THE...

MY MOTHER'S THERE,USUALLY THEY GIVE YOU WATER

AND ARE LIKE, "COME ON,"AND THEY APPLAUD.

MY MOTHER SAYS TO ME

LIKE LITERALLY 20 FEETFROM THE END OF THE RACE

"WHAT DO YOU NEED THIS FOR?COME ON.

"WHAT ARE YOU SCHLEPPING?

THERE'S A GOOD ITALIANRESTAURANT HERE."

BUT I DON'T KNOW.

WE ALSO HAD-- WELL, WE HADCHEERLEADERS, THE SHROUDETTES.

THEY WERE VERY BIG.

WHAT WAS THEIR BEST CHEER?

THEIR BEST CHEER WAS, "BEATOURSELVES, BEAT OURSELVES."

AND THEN WE HAD OUR MASCOT WAS--

HE WAS CALLEDTHE EMBARRASSMENT BOY.

IT WAS SORT OF SAD.

HE WOULD ACTUALLYNEVER SEE A GAME.

HE WOULD HIDEUNDER THE BLEACHERS

TILL THE GAME WAS OVER,THEN HE WOULD COME OUT.

"HOW'D YOU DO?"

I MEAN, HE WASN'T EVEN THERE.

I MEAN, EVEN DURINGTHE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME

BETWEEN THE TWO JEWISH CENTERSIN LIKE THE SAME AREA

BOTH TEAMS CLAIMED DEFEAT,WHICH WAS SORT OF SAD.