Peter Berman - The Meaning of Life

  • Season 10 , Ep 20
  • 04/27/2006
  • Views: 8,309

No one's going to listen to you when you're old. (2:20)

WOMEN THINK THAT MENKNOW HOW TO COMMUNICATE

BECAUSE WHEN WE MEET YOUAND WE START DATING YOU,

WE TALK A LOT. YEAH, WANNA KNOW WHY?

'CAUSE WE'RE TRYIN' TO SLEEP WITH YOU, THAT'S WHY.

BUT WE USE THAT ALL UP RIGHT AWAY. WE DO. WE DO.

THAT'S WHY AFTER LIKE A MONTH, WE'RE LIKE,

"HEY, DO YOU LIKE ME, 'CAUSE I'M OUTTA MATERIAL.

HAVE I SAID OR DONE ANYTHING IN THE LAST MONTH THAT YOU LIKED?

LET ME KNOW. I'LL SAY IT AGAIN!"

- YOU KNOW? - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YEAH, MEN DON'T TALK VERY MUCH, DO WE? WE DON'T. WE DON'T.

THAT'S WHY I BELIEVE, AND THEMEN KNOW WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT,

THAT'S WHY WHEN WE FINALLY BECOME A MAN, RIGHT,

WHEN WE FINALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A MAN IN THIS WORLD

AND WE FINALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A HUSBAND IN THIS WORLD

AND IT'S TIME FOR US TO TAKE THAT WISDOM THAT WE'VE GAINED

AND TO IMPART IT ONTO THE YOUNGER MEN OF THE WORLD

SO THAT WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE,

YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT WE THINK, "[BLEEP] THAT. NO ONE TOLD ME.

I'M NOT TELLING ANYONE EITHER THEN."

- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] - YEAH. YEAH.

THAT'S WHY I THINK YOU NEED TO HAVE A MENTOR IN THIS LIFE.

THAT'S WHAT I THINK.YOU HAVE TO HAVE TO HAVEA MENTOR, YOU KNOW?

LIFE IS A TRIP.YOU HAVE TO HAVEA MENTOR, RIGHT,

BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS THINK YOU KNOW MORE THAN YOU KNOW.

REMEMBER WHEN YOU'RE 18, YOU'RE LIKE, "I'M 18, MAN.

I DON'T ANYONE'S HELP. I'M A GROWNUP. I'M 18." RIGHT?

NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOU'RE 25. THEN WHAT ARE YOU THINKIN'?

YOU'RE LIKE, "OH, [BLEEP]!

I DIDN'T KNOW NOTHIN' WHEN I WAS 18, MAN."

YOU'RE LIKE, "NOW IGOT IT FIGURED IT OUT,I'M GOOD TO GO. I'M 25."

NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOU'RE 30. YOU'RE LIKE, "DAMMIT!

I DIDN'T KNOW NOTHIN' WHEN I WAS 25 EITHER!"

I BET YOU THAT'S GONNA GO ONYOUR WHOLE LIFE,

DON'T YOU THINK? I SWEAR TO GOD.

YOU'RE GONNA BE LIKE 75 YEARS OLD SOME DAY GOIN',

"MAN, WHEN I WAS 70, I WAS A PINHEAD, MAN!

LIKE NOW I GOT IT FIGURED OUT." BY THE TIME YOU FIGURED IT OUT,

YOU'RE GONNA BE LIKE 85 YEARS OLD

AND NO ONE'S GONNA LISTEN TO YOU, 'CAUSE YOU'RE OLD, RIGHT?

YOU'RE GONNA BE LIKE, "I KNOW THE MEANING OF LIFE."

"SURE YOU DO. AND YOU'RE PEEIN'ON YOURSELF, OLD MAN."

- "GET OFF MY LAWN!" - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I BEEN TRYING TO BE BETTER.I HAVE.

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