Uncensored - Anthony Jeselnik - Good Guy

Anthony Jeselnik: Caligula Season 1, Ep 1 01/13/2013 Views: 50,003

For some reason, Anthony Jeselnik's fans always want to do drugs with him after his shows in Chicago. (2:28)

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Like, I would never hit a woman,you know?

I would never hit a woman,

even if she had a knife or...

a stutter.

[ Laughter ]

It's not how I do business.

In fact, I might be one ofthe greatest guys of all time.

Like,I've got a kid in Africa.

Yeah, that I feed,

that I clothe,that I school,

that I inoculate

for 75 cents a day.

Which is practically nothing,you know,

compared to what it costto send him there.

[ Laughter ]

[ Applause ]

You guys are --You guys are doing great so far.

I love performing in Chicago.

The only weird thing aboutperforming in Chicago, for me,

is that, after all my shows,

everybody just wants todo drugs with me.

[ Laughter ]

Like,"Anthony, that was hilarious.

I got a joint on me.Let's go smoke it."

"Hey, Jeselnik,amazing job, as usual."

[ Laughter ]

"I've got mushroomsin my backpack.

Let's eat 'em."

And I've got tokeep telling them

the same thing I'm gonnatell you guys right now.

"Hey, assholes.

I'm fucking famous.

[ Laughter ]

Give it to me."

[ Laughter ]

[ Applause ]

I think my friend Jeffis gay.

I don't know.

I'm so bad with names.

-[ Laughter ]-It's tough.

[ Clears throat ]

Smart crowd.