Julian McCullough - Gay Roommates

Schimmel, McCullough, Guillory, Mellard, Alonzo, Belleville, Segura Season 2, Ep 4 07/05/2007 Views: 13,620

Living with a gay couple is like living in Pottery Barn. (2:07)



Yeah, not that part.

Uh, no one's ever wooedor clapped

in my part of Brooklyn ever.

I am terrified in myneighborhood walking around.

I'm the only onethat looks like me,

if you know what I'm saying.

And, uh... like, I only livefive minutes

from my subway stop,but it take me 20 minutes

to get there 'cause I stop andplay dead every five seconds.

It doesn't work.

Puerto Rican toddlers

are like, "Puto."

I'm so scared walking there

that that's why I likewhen it rains really hard.

It looks like I'm runningfrom the weather...

which is less embarrassing.

And, uh... I have two roommatesand they're gay.

They're a couple and they livein the other room.

When I moved in,my other friends were like,

"Dude, that's goingto be weird."

And actually it's awesome.

It's like livingin Pottery Barn.

I have tealights and potpourriin my bathroom.

How awesome is that, right?

'Cause I used to livewith five straight guys,

and ew.


Our cleaning schedulewas "nope."

'Cause like nowwhen I take a shower

not only is it romantic,the water goes down the drain.

How... right?

Switchin' it up.

Before I don't think

we had a drain in our shower.

The water was alwaysa foot deep

with like a six-inch pond scumon top of it.

We had moss growingup the walls.

When you steamed it up in thereit looked like Cambodia 1967.

One time I was taking a shower

and Martin Sheen's head poppedout of the water behind me.


One time this girl was like,

(whispering):"Let's have sexin your shower."

And I was like, "No."

She was like, "Come on."

I was like, "All right."

That's all it takes.

So, uh... I put onmy galoshes, right?

She says, "Aren't you goingto wear a condom?"

I was like, "You're worriedabout that?"


"You should be worriedabout malaria and Predator.

It's right behind you."