Yeah, not that part.
Uh, no one's ever wooedor clapped
in my part of Brooklyn ever.
I am terrified in myneighborhood walking around.
I'm the only onethat looks like me,
if you know what I'm saying.
And, uh... like, I only livefive minutes
from my subway stop,but it take me 20 minutes
to get there 'cause I stop andplay dead every five seconds.
It doesn't work.
Puerto Rican toddlers
are like, "Puto."
I'm so scared walking there
that that's why I likewhen it rains really hard.
It looks like I'm runningfrom the weather...
which is less embarrassing.
And, uh... I have two roommatesand they're gay.
They're a couple and they livein the other room.
When I moved in,my other friends were like,
"Dude, that's goingto be weird."
And actually it's awesome.
It's like livingin Pottery Barn.
I have tealights and potpourriin my bathroom.
How awesome is that, right?
'Cause I used to livewith five straight guys,
Our cleaning schedulewas "nope."
'Cause like nowwhen I take a shower
not only is it romantic,the water goes down the drain.
Switchin' it up.
Before I don't think
we had a drain in our shower.
The water was alwaysa foot deep
with like a six-inch pond scumon top of it.
We had moss growingup the walls.
When you steamed it up in thereit looked like Cambodia 1967.
One time I was taking a shower
and Martin Sheen's head poppedout of the water behind me.
One time this girl was like,
(whispering):"Let's have sexin your shower."
And I was like, "No."
She was like, "Come on."
I was like, "All right."
That's all it takes.
So, uh... I put onmy galoshes, right?
She says, "Aren't you goingto wear a condom?"
I was like, "You're worriedabout that?"
"You should be worriedabout malaria and Predator.
It's right behind you."