Margaret Smith - Dad

Margaret Smith & Jack Coen Season 1, Ep 0115 02/24/1992 Views: 4,424

Margaret's dad shaved off his recent hair transplant to win a $20 bet. (2:40)

OBVIOUSLY, YOUR MOMSDIDN'T CALL YOU TODAY.

( laughter )

YEAH, SHE CALLED--

"HI, EVERYONE'S GOOD, EVERYONE'SFINE, EVERYONE'S GREAT."

I SAID, "OH, WELL,HOW'S BROTHER JIMMY?"

SHE SAID, "OH,HE'S DOING REAL GOOD."

I SAID, "OH, DOES THAT MEAN

HE DOESN'T DO THAT WEIRD THINGWITH HIS LIPS ANYMORE?"

AFTER EACH SENTENCEHE'LL REPEAT IT WITH HIS LIPS.

YOU KNOW, LIKE, HE'LL GO, "DIDANY OF YOU GUYS SEE MY SHOES?"

( laughter )

AND I'LL GO, "JIMMY, WHAT AREYOU DOING WITH YOUR LIPS?"

AND HE'LL GO, "WHAT?"

( laughter )

MY MOTHER ISA VERY SAD PERSON.

I ALWAYS KNOWWHEN IT'S HER ON THE PHONE

BEFORE ANYONE EVEN SPEAKS.

THE PHONE WILL RING,I'LL PICK IT UP AND I'LL HEAR--

( sighs dramatically )

THEN SHE ALWAYS GETS TO THE PARTWHERE SHE SAYS--

"WHEN ARE YOUGOING TO HAVE KIDS?"

LIKE I NEED A BUNCH OF PEOPLEHANGING AROUND MY APARTMENT.

( laughter )

YOU KNOW, YELLING AT MEBECAUSE I BROKE THEIR YOLK.

( laughter )

( sighs )

( whistling )

YEAH...

SHE CONSTANTLY MAKES SUREI'VE DONE MY DAUGHTERLY DUTIES--

"DID YOU SENDA FATHER'S DAY CARD?"

I HATE THIS OCCASION BECAUSEI CAN NEVER FIND THE RIGHT CARD

BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL TOO NICE.

SO I USUALLY END UP GETTINGTHE BLANK WITH THE TREE ON IT.

DRAW A LITTLE PICTURE OF MYSELFHANGING THERE, YOU KNOW.

( laughter )

THE BEAUTY OF THE BLANK

IS THAT YOU CAN WRITEYOUR OWN POEM, RIGHT?

LIKE THIS YEAR, "DEAR DAD,EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE FAR AWAY

"I THINK ABOUT YOU EVERY DAY

AND TALK ABOUT YOU TWICE A WEEKIN A SUPPORT GROUP."

( laughter )

YEAH, MY FATHER WAS NO PRIZE.

HE WAS A GAMBLERAND AN ALCOHOLIC.

BUT HE WAS ALSO VERY VAIN.

SO ONE DAY HE GAVE UP HIS VICES

TO SAVE UP ENOUGH MONEYFOR A HAIR TRANSPLANT.

TWO DAYS AFTERTHE TRANSPLANT WAS COMPLETE

HE GOT DRUNK AND ON A $20 BETSHAVED HIS HEAD.

( laughter )

SO I OWE HIM 20 BUCKS.

( laughter )