Paul Varghese - Terrorism Paranoia

  • Season 2 , Ep 0202
  • 07/12/2007
  • Views: 13,513

Paul Varghese wants to kill the stereotypes about Arabic-looking people, so he's learning to dance. (2:10)

Wonderful.

Beautiful, really. Awesome.

I, uh, wish I was white.

(laughter)

Um, seriously,you guys got it made.

You have advantagesI don't have.

Like, if I'm late for a flight,I can't run into an airport.

(laughter)

I can run in,I just get escorted out.

You know what I mean?

Terrorism paranoiais ridiculous.

That's why I'm doing my partto kill the stereotype.

I'm taking salsadancing lessons.

(laughter)

Yeah, 'cause I want to be knownas the only Arabic-looking guy

who can dance without havingto hold a rifle over his head.

(laughter and applause)

It's weird. I'm scaredof terrorism, too, okay?

But I don't freak outwhen I fly,

'cause ever sinceI was a little kid,

I was always taughtto be calm in an emergency.

Every fire drillI ever had in elementary school,

the teacher always made us getin a single-file line.

You guys remember that?

School's in flames,single-file line.

Alphabetical.My last name is Varghese.

How racist is that?

(laughter)

All the white kids' last names,

like Adams, Barnes, Baxters,Carpenters, out the front door.

(laughter)

Me, the kids Wong and Wang--completely screwed.

(laughter)

(whoosh)

(laughter)

We lost another valedictorian.

(laughter)

(applause)

You know?

(chuckles)

See, my dad prays wheneverthere's a crisis, you know?

He's, like, super-religious.

My dad actuallycollects crosses, you know?

Hanging on the wallin the house.

Like golden crosses,silver crosses, wooden crosses.

You could have, like,the Ku Klux Klan burning a cross

on my dad's front lawn.

Like, he wouldn't care.He'd just walk out there.

(Indian accent):"Hey, when you're donescaring me,

hose that down,bring it inside."

(laughter)

"Hey, take the hood off.

"You can't seewhere you're going.

(laughter)

"Hey, does it piss you offthat your shadow's black?"

(laughter and applause)

Nothing? Okay.

(whooping)

Just think, white people,you have to laugh at that,

'cause if you're not,

I'm, like, "Racist, racist."

(laughter)

"Congressman."

(laughter)

What a zinger.

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