Jared Logan - Dad's Job

  • Season 3 , Ep 2
  • 07/27/2012
  • Views: 23,496

People react snobbily when Jared Logan tells them where his dad works. (2:58)

THEY REACT VERY SNOBBILY.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

LIKE, I WOULD SAY,"HEY, MY DAD WORKS AT WAL-MART."

AND THIS IS HOW THEY REACT,THEY'RE LIKE, "OH...

WHAT'S THAT LIKE?"

AND I DON'T KNOW HOWTHEY EXPECT ME TO RESPOND.

LIKE, AM I SUPPOSED TO TURN--MAYBE I'M SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE,

"OH, I KNOW.

I MEAN, HE GAVE ME LIFEAND SUPPORTS EVERYTHING I DO,

BUT THE WHOLE TIME I WAS LIKE,'GET A BETTER JOB.'"

INEVITABLY, THEY ALWAYS ASK,EVERY TIME,

THEY ALWAYS GO, "WELL,WHAT DOES HE DO AT WAL-MART?"

YEAH, IMPLYING THAT IF I DON'TSAY PRESIDENT OF THE COMPANY,

MY DAD IS A PIECE OF (bleep).

SO WHEN THEY ASK THAT,WHEN THEY GO,

"WELL,WHAT DOES HE DO AT WAL-MART?"

I ALWAYS GO, "OH, HE WORKS INTHE CHILDREN'S GUNS DEPARTMENT."

(laughter)

I WANNA TELL ONE FINAL STORY.

I--I'M OBVIOUSLY IN VERYCRUMMY SHAPE.

AND--NO, LAUGH IT UP.

UH, THIS HAS BEEN GOING ONFOR A WHILE.

WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE,

I TOOK A 6:00 A.M. HEALTHAND WELLNESS CLASS,

'CAUSE THAT'S WHENI COULD FIT IN MY SCHEDULE.

NOW WHEN YOU TAKE THE 6:00 A.M.HEALTH AND WELLNESS CLASS,

YOU'RE IN THERE WITH THE HEALTHAND WELLNESS MAJORS.

LIKE, THESE ARE PEOPLEWHO WANNA BE HEALTHY AND WELL

FOR A LIVING,AND MY THING WAS,

I'LL JUST STAY UP ALL NIGHTAND GO.

SO THAT SHOWS YOUWHERE I WAS HEALTH-WISE.

SO ONE DAY WE WERE IN THERE,AND THEY ASK US--

THEY SAY TO MEAND THIS VERY FIT,

VERY BEAUTIFUL GIRLSITTING BESIDE ME,

THEY GO, "TELL US ONE BADHEALTH HABIT YOU HAVE

AND ONE GOOD HEALTH HABITYOU HAVE."

SO THE GIRL BESIDE ME,SHE GOES,

"BAD HEALTH HABIT...

I EAT BETWEEN MEALS."

AND I WAS LIKE,WAS THAT--IS THAT A THING?

IS THAT SOMETHING?

BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU,BUT FOR ME,

THE DAY IS JUST ONE MEAL.

IT'S JUSTMEAL, SLEEP, MEAL...

LIKE, RIGHT NOW, THIS IS--I'MHAVING--THIS IS A MEAL.

I'M HAVING A MEAL.

I HAVE CHEESE IN MY POCKETS.

SO THEN SHE GOES,"GOOD HEALTH HABIT--

I JOG FIVE MILES EVERY DAY."

AND I WAS LIKE,"WELL, PIN A ROSE ON YOUR NOSE,

YOU INSUFFERABLE BITCH."

AND THEN IT WAS MY TURN,AND I SAID,

"BAD HEALTH HABIT, I SMOKE,"AND WHEN I SAID THAT,

EVERYONE IN THE CLASSACTED LIKE

I WAS PICKING MY SCABSAND EATING THEM.

"YOU GUYS DON'T SMOKE?

I ENJOY SMOKING."

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