Nick DiPaolo - Big Girls

  • Season 6 , Ep 7
  • 06/02/2002
  • Views: 6,021

Guys don't have as much pressure as women to look good. (2:00)

I ONLY DATE REALLY PETITE GIRLS

'CAUSE IT ONLY COSTS 4 BUCKS

TO GET 'EM DRUNK.

(LAUGHTER)

YOU EVER DATE A BIG GIRL?

YOU GO BROKE GETTING HER DRUNK.

IT'S LIKE FILLING A WINNEBAGO

WITH SUPER UNLEADED.

(LAUGHTER)

YOU WATCHING THE BAR TAB GO UP

LIKE THE PUMPS AT A GAS STATION

55, 60, 65, 70...

SHE'S NOT EVEN A QUARTER FULL,

WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON?

(LAUGHTER)

YOU GET PISSED AT HER,

YOU TACKLE HER ON THE GROUND,

YOU STICK A FUNNEL IN HER MOUTH,

YOU POUR A PITCHER OF FROZEN

MARGARITAS DOWN HER THROAT,

SHE PASSES OUT, YOUR HIGH FIVIN'

YOUR FRIENDS.

YOU TURN AROUND, SHE GETS UP OFF

THE GROUND LIKE JASON.

(LAUGHTER)

BY THE END OF THE NIGHT,

SHE'S HANGIN' ON THE BAR LIKE

ROBERT DI NERO IN RAGING BULL,

"IN EVER WENT DOWN, YOU NEVER

GOT ME DOWN!

I NEVER WENT DOWN, RAY."

THERE'S A LOT OF PETITE GIRLS

AROUND BECAUSE BULIMIA IS MAKING

A COME BACK.

I READ THAT IN THE PAPER.

YEAH.

APPARENTLY, WOMEN ARE GETTING

BULIMIA 'CAUSE THEY ARE TRYING

TO IMITATE SKINNY BEAUTIFUL

WOMEN YOU SEE ON TV.

HOW COME US GUYS DON'T FALL FOR

THIS CRAP?

YOU DON'T SEE TEN GUYS WATCHING

WRESTLING ON A MONDAY NIGHT,

THE ROCK TAKES HIS SHIRT OFF SO

FRANK RUNS IN TO THE BATHROOM

AND COUGHS UP HIS BURRITO,

YOU KNOW?

(LAUGHTER)

"LOOK AT THE ASS ON HIM HE'S

GORGEOUS, I WANNA LOOK JUST LIKE

THAT.

(HEAVING NOISES)

LOOK AT THEME TITTIES.

(BLEEP) DAMN.

(HEAVING NOISES)

(LAUGHTER)

GUYS DON'T HAVE THAT PRESSURE

TO LOOK GOOD, YOU KNOW?

WE COULD BE A HUNDRED POUNDS

OVER WEIGHT, WE LOOK IN THE

MIRROR, YEAH, THAT LOOKS

ALL RIGHT.

WE LOOK AT OURSELVES IN THE

MIRROR THE WAY WE LOOK AT WOMEN

WHEN WE'RE DRUNK, RIGHT?

I'D (BLEEP) THAT.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

TWELVE LOVE HANDLES, HAIR ON

HER ASS, SHE'S UGLY, I'M HORNY,

IT'S A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN.

(LAUGHTER)

AH, PEOPLE GET MOANING, PEOPLE

UPTIGHT, POLITICALLY CORRECT,

RELAX FOLKS, I CAN HEAR YOUR ASS

CHEEKS TIGHTENING UP...

(SQUEAKING NOISES)

HE'S PICKING ON A FAT GUY,

WE CAN'T HAVE THAT.

(SQUEAKING CONTINUES)

SO UPTIGHT IN THIS COUNTRY.

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