Uncensored - Kumail Nanjiani - House of Betas Pt. 4

Kumail Nanjiani: Beta Male Season 1, Ep 1 07/20/2013 Views: 6,065

Despite his fears, Kumail Nanjiani tries to discover who or what has been living in his attic (1:34)

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I swear right before I getup there Katie's friends

from out of town show up,

and I'm there

climbingover a chest of drawers,

flashlight in one hand,butcher knife in the other,

colander on my head.

I look like somebodywhose parents couldn't afford

a Halloween costume.

You're a spaghetti head.

He also has a butcher knife.

So I get up there,and I am so scared, you guys.

It's like,I can't see anything.

It's super dark.

You know,the flashlight is weak.

I'm looking at the worldthrough holes big enough

to let water throughbut not spaghetti.


Very small.

I get up there, shaking.

I don't see anything.

I don't see anyone.

But there's one areaaround the corner,

like, behind a cornerlike that

that I can't seefrom where I'm standing.

And I'm like, "Fuuuck."

So I work up my courage.I grip the knife tighter.

I put the colanderdeeper into my head.

I walk over,

and I see...


Never found anything.

But right after that,the noises stopped.

What the fuck?

And I knowit's super disappointing

that therewas nothing there.

But if there wassomebody there,

that would have beenthe first thing

I would've mentionedwhen I came out.

I would have been like,"Fuck Ugly Duckling.

Three years ago,I murdered a hobo."