Look, I just have a common...

(high-pitched):...cold!

It'll be gone as fastas I can sneeze, hurl,

and squirt it out.

No, it won't.

The common cold died out500 years ago,

and subsequently, humanity lostall resistance to its ravages,

but the virus survived in you,

frozenfor a thousand years.

Huh, so it was hidingdeep down inside of me,

like my skeleton bones?

Give it to us straight,Professor.

How incredibly deadly is it?

We don't know.

It could killmillions or nobody.

I suppose it might even bringa few people back to life.

Anything is possiblein science.

(sneezes)

Oh, no,I've got it, too.

(all shudder)

My nose is all gunked upwith blork.

(sneezes)And I've got a hankeringfor a useless remedy

created by a schoolteacher.

(all shudder)

Uh-oh, I thinkI'm getting swollen glands.

(sickly croaking)

(all groaning)

Screw the quarantine,I'm out of here.

Initiate containmentprocedure.

(grunting)

Aah, ow, oh!

Go on now.

(sneezes)

Now I'm sick.

I shudder to thinkwhat this cold will do to me.

Yesterday I was nearly killedby a tight hat.

I'd be remiss if I didn't rubyour goopy noses

in the fact that I'm immune.

(laughs)

Which is why we'll all becounting on you and you alone

to nurse usthrough this catastrophe.

(sighs)

Why, God?

Why have I been singled out?

(coughing and groaning)

Everyone just calm down and makeyourself a tissue walrus.