Joe Matarese - She's Worth It

Matarese, Anderson, Rouse, Griffith Season 7, Ep 704 12/05/2003 Views: 1,704

Joe Matarese digs his girlfriend. (3:09)

TWO YEARS AND I HAD TO MOVE BACK

TO NEW YORK BECAUSE I WANTED

TO FIND A NICE NORMAL GIRL.

[LAUGHTER]

YEAH, OH, MY GOD, THE L.A.

GIRLS, WHAT THE HECK?

FIRST OF ALL, THEY DON'T KNOW

HOW TO HOLD BACK THEIR

DYSFUNCTIONS.

[LAUGHTER]

NO, I SWEAR.

FIRST DATE WITH THIS GIRL

OUT THERE, SHE LOOKS AT ME

AND GOES "BOTH MY PARENTS

HAVE A DRUG PROBLEM.

I DO, TOO.

THINK IT'S HEREDITARY."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"I DON'T HAVE ORGASMS, I CAN'T."

OKAY, THAT'S GREAT, BUT YOU

MIGHT WANT TO ORDER THE

WAITRESS IS HERE.

SHUT UP.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND I AM SO GLAD I MOVED BACK.

I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU.

WITHIN TWO WEEKS OF MOVING BACK,

I MET MY CURRENT GIRLFRIEND.

WE'VE BEEN DATING TEN MONTHS.

SHE'S ONE YEAR FROM GETTING

HER PH.D. IN NEUROPSYCHOLOGY.

YES.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

NEW YORK, BABY.

I'VE GOT A FRIEND THAT WEIGHS

400 POUNDS.

I TOLD HIM I WAS DATING

A PSYCHOLOGIST.

HE GOES, "HA, HA, THAT'S LIKE ME

DATING A NUTRITIONIST."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

ALRIGHT.

I'VE GOT ISSUES.

I'LL ADMIT THEM, OKAY?

BUT THIS GIRL, SHE'S MOTIVATING

ME TO IMPROVE.

SHE IS.

LIKE ONE OF THEM THAT I'M TRYING

TO IMPROVE IS THAT I'M A

TERRIBLE LISTENER, OKAY?

SHE LISTENS FOR A LIVING,

SO SHE'S AMAZING AT IT.

SOMETIMES IT'S FRUSTRATING.

LIKE I WAS IN VEGAS A COUPLE

WEEKS AGO FOR MY BROTHER'S

BACHELOR'S PARTY.

AND I WAS MAKING THAT CHECK IN

CALL THAT YOU DO WITH YOUR GIRL

WHEN YOU'RE AWAY.

SHE GIVES ME ONE OF THESE.

SHE GOES, "YOU DON'T SOUND LIKE

YOURSELF.

[LAUGHTER]

I FEEL LIKE WE'RE OFF

OR SOMETHING.

SOMETHING'S DISCONNECTED."

I'M LIKE "MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE

NINE OF MY FRIENDS ARE IN

THE OTHER ROOM YELLING 'HOMO'".

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

MAN, I THINK THIS GIRL'S WORTH

IMPROVING FOR.

I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU GUYS

FEEL ABOUT IT, BUT I THINK

SHE'S WORTH IT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THOSE ARE THE BEST WOMEN,

OR THE BEST MEN, WHEN YOU'VE GOT

TO STRETCH.

YOU'VE GOT TO GET BETTER, YEAH.

[LAUGHTER]

YEAH, BECAUSE CHECK THIS OUT.

WE ACTUALLY JUST MOVED BACK

TO CALIFORNIA.

YEAH, BUT THIS TIME IT'S

SAN DIEGO AND IT'S FOR HER

CAREER, NOT MINE.

YEAH.

THANK YOU.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YOU'RE LIKE "HE IS THAT GIRL.

HE IS."

ALL MY NEGATIVE NEW YORK FRIENDS

ARE LIKE, "WHAT ARE YOU STUPID,

DUDE?

YOU'RE GOING TO RELOCATE FOR

YOUR GIRL?"

I'M LIKE "WOULD YOU SHUT UP,

OKAY?

I'M 35 AND I'M STILL SINGLE,

ALRIGHT?

I'M OFFICIALLY THREE YEARS AWAY

FROM BEING THAT WEIRD UNCLE.

YOU'RE NOT SURE IF HE'S GAY

OR NOT."

YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME.