Richard Lewis - Aging

Tom Parks & T. Sean Shannon Season 1, Ep 0121 02/24/1992 Views: 2,874

Richard feels very old. (2:15)

FOR MONTHS NOW--WEEKS, MONTHS, YEARS

I'M JUST, HEY,AS LONG AS YOU HAVE YOUR HEALTH.

YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT?

I'M TALKING TO A PERSON WHO'SLOADING NINE HANDGUNS HERE.

THAT'S FINE.

THAT WAS A JOKE I WROTEIN FRANCE WITH LEONARD COHEN.

I LOVE LEONARD COHEN,BY THE WAY.

I'VE BEEN DOING THIS--I'VE BEEN EMCEEING THIS THING

OR EMCEEING, HOSTING,WHATEVER IT'S CALLED

AND, UH, I'M OLD.

I REALIZE I'M OLD NOW.

( laughter )

I WAS BACKSTAGEAND EVERYBODY WAS SAYING

"COME ON, MR. LEWIS."

ONLY MY GUIDANCE COUNSELORSHOULD SAY MR. LEWIS.

I SAID, "I'M ON THE PHONEWITH MY DOCTOR."

I MEAN, THIS IS HOWI KNEW HOW OLD I FELT.

"IT'S ABOUT ONE OF MY TESTICLES,GIVE ME A BREAK."

BUT I KNOWI'LL GO BACK HOME TONIGHT

I'LL CHECK MY MACHINE, BEEP.

"HI, IT'S MICK.

YEAH, LISTEN, MY COLON'S FINE."

BEEP.

"HI, IT'S IRV.

YEAH, THE URINALYSIS IS TOMORROW."

BEEP.

YOU KNOW.

BUT I... YOU KNOW, I'M OLD.

I JUST, UH,I DON'T KNOW, I JUST, UH...

I GUESS I'M GOING TO DIE DUMBTOO WHICH IS SAD FOR ME.

IF I HAD TO DO A MID-TERM NOWLIKE, "WHAT WAS THE ALAMO?"

TRUST ME.

I'D SAID, "I DON'T--LOOK, THERE WAS A BUILDING

"AND FESS PARKER WAS THERE

"AND A COUPLE OF MEXICANSHAD SOME SABRETT'S STANDS

"AND THERE WAS A FIGHT ANDTHEN I THINK WALT DISNEY WON.

"I DON'T KNOW.

"I DON'T KNOW.

I HAVE LOST IT."

THAT'S WHY,IT'S GOOD TO HAVE, YOU KNOW

MAKE LOVE,BE ABLE TO HAVE AN ORGASM

AND FORGETABOUT HIGH SCHOOL HISTORY.

BUT, KIDS, WEAR CONDOMS,I'M NOT KIDDING.

BUT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO STUDY...

WHAT, THAT SEGUE SCARED YOUA LITTLE BIT, DIDN'T IT?

BUT I'VE BEEN READING NOW MORE

BECAUSE I'VE BEEN BUSYFOR THE LAST 25 YEARS.

I HAVE STOPPED READING.

I GET THESE BOOKS THAT ARE READBY PEOPLE LIKE VINCENT PRICE

YOU KNOW, AND YOU PUTTHEM ON IN THE CAR.

I READ CAT IN THE HAT.

I MEAN, I DIDN'T READ IT,I HEARD IT.

PUT THE GUNS AWAY, SERIOUSLY.