Jimmy Pardo - Buxom Barber

  • Season 6, Ep 11
  • 06/30/2002
  • Views: 3,721

Jimmy is trapped by his barber's breasts. (3:50)

JIMMY PARDO>> THE GENIUS THAT

I WAS, I DECIDED TO PULL THIS

HAIRCUTTING STUNT, 20 MINUTES

BEFORE I HAD TO MEET MY GIRL

FRIENDS FAMILY FOR THE FIRST

TIME.

YEAH, A LITTLE TOUGH TO,

"HEY MOM, DAD, THIS IS JIMMY."

"HI.

I'M A CIRCUS FREAK."

SO, I NOW HAD TO GO TO SUPER

CUTS AND SPEND THE 12 BUCKS

I SHOULD OF IN THE FIRST PLACE.

SO, IF YOU'RE DOING YOUR MATH.

AND I'M GUESSING SOME OF YOU

FOLKS ARE.

I'M NOW DOWN $27 IN THIS

BRILLIANT MONEY SAVING SCHEME

OF MINE.

SO, I PUT A BALD CAP ON.

I GO TO--

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT KIND OF HAT

THAT WOULD THERE BE BY THE WAY--

LOOK AT THAT CRAZY GESTURE FOR

NO REASON.

PUTTING ON A SOMBRERO?

HOW BIG IS THIS HAT?

MAYBE IT IS.

I'M GETTING A NEW HAIRCUT.

IT'S A FESTIVE DAY.

OLE!

BIG CRAZY HAT.

I'M PLAYING TO THE BALCONY.

IF I JUST GO A LITTLE HAT,

"WHAT'S HE SCRATCHING HIS HEAD?"

"NO, HAT."

I GO BIG CRAZY.

ANYHOW, I PUT A HAT ON.

I GO TO THE SUPER CUTS, I WALK

IN, BELL GOES OFF ON THE DOOR.

EVERYBODY SITTING THERE LOOKS UP

FROM THEIR OUT OF DATE MAGAZINE.

AND I'VE BEEN THAT GUY.

I KNOW PEOPLE ARE JUST THINKING.

"HEY, LOOK.

NEW GUY WALKED IN."

I KNOW THAT.

BUT THAT DAY, IN MY HEAD,

I THINK EVERYBODY IS GOING,

"AH, LOOK AT THAT.

THE (BLEEP) TRIED TO CUT HIS OWN

HAIR."

(LAUGHTER)

I'M NOT QUITE SURE WHY I'M A

(BLEEP) IN THIS STORY BUT ALL

RIGHT.

SEEMS A LITTLE HARSH.

STORY ABOUT ME, YOU THINK I'D GO

A LITTLE EASIER ON MYSELF.

WHAT DID I EVER DO TO ME?!

(LAUGHTER)

IT'S FINALLY MY TURN TO GET

MY HAIR CUT.

THE WOMAN ASKS, "HOW CAN I HELP

YOU?"

I SAY, "WELL, A BUDDY'S

GIRLFRIEND TRIED TO CUT

MY HAIR."

HEY, I'M NOT TAKING THE FALL FOR

THIS.

IF I'M GOING DOWN, SOMEBODY WHO

DOESN'T EXIST IS GOING DOWN WITH

ME.

WOMAN SAYS, "IT SHOULDN'T BE

A PROBLEM.

TAKE OFF YOUR HAT.

I CAN FIX IT."

I TAKE IT OFF.

SHE LOOKS AT MY HAIR, HONEST

TO CHRIST SHE GOES, "EEWWW!"

(LAUGHTER)

NOW, THE WOMAN CUTTING MY HAIR--

LET ME WALK THROUGH THIS LADY

NOW.

THE WOMAN CUTTING MY HAIR--

I DON'T WANT TO SAY THE WRONG

THING WITH A ROOM DIVIDED BY

TENSION AS IT IS.

THE WOMAN CUTTING MY HAIR, HOW

DO I SAY, AH, SHE HAD BIG BOOBS.

THERE I SAID IT.

THE WOMAN CUTTING MY HAIR HAD

THE BIGGEST BREASTS I HAVE EVER

SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

AND I MEAN HUGE.

DOUBLE-D.

DANNY DEVITOS.

THESE BABIES ARE BIG.

(LAUGHTER)

BIG HUGE DAVID DUCHOVNY'S,

DENNIS DEYOUNG'S, LOOK OUT

THEY'RE COMING AT YOU.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

I BRING THIS UP FOR A REASON.

EVERY TIME SHE WOULD LEAN OVER

TO CUT MY HAIR, WAIT FOR IT.

EVERY TIME SHE WOULD LEAN OVER

TO CUT MY HAIR, THEY WOULD HIT

MY ARM.

AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WHEN

THAT HAPPENS.

I PANIC.

YOU KNOW, BECAUSE I'M GETTING

MY HAIRCUT, RIGHT?

SO, I'M UNDERNEATH THAT

HAIRCUTTING CAPE AND THAT

LOCK DOWNED POSITION.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT?

(LAUGHTER)

I'M CLAMPED DOWN AND IT'S 10

MINUTES OF SNIP, TITTY, SNIP,

TITTY, SNIP, TITTY, SNIP, TITTY,

SNIP.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

DO I MOVE MY ARM?

DO I TELL HER ABOUT IT?

OR DO I SAY, "HOW DO YOU DO"

AND TAG HER IN THE CAN?

I NEVER...

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

EITHER WAY, HAIRCUT'S OVER.

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