Eugene Mirman - Bathroom Wall & Bike Lane

Eugene Mirman: An Evening of Comedy in a Fake Underground Laboratory Season 1, Ep 101 12/14/2012 Views: 3,882

Eugene Mirman agrees with a statement written on a bathroom wall and enrages a bike rider with a polite apology. (1:32)

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I WAS-- I WAS IN THEBATHROOM OF THIS CAFE

AND SOMEBODY WROTEON THE WALL OF THE BATHROOM,

THEY WROTE, "JUST BECAUSEYOU STOLE MY CHALK

DOESN'T MEANYOU STOLE MY VOICE."

AGREED.

CHALK IS THE LEAST PERMANENTFORM OF POLITICAL DISCOURSE.

HOWEVER MUCH I WISH THATHITLER HAD WRITTEN

MEIN KAMPF IN CHALKAND JUST BEEN LIKE,

"AH, I HAD THIS WHOLE THINGABOUT HOW THE JEWS

"ARE DIRTY RATS,BUT THEN IT RAINED.

OH, WELL, I GUESSI'LL GO BACK TO PAINTING."

I HIT A GUY ON A BIKEWITH A DOOR...OF A CAR,

NOT LIKE A DOORI CARRY AROUND AND BE LIKE,

"STOP SAVING THE EARTH."

BY ACCIDENT.

I OPENED THE DOOR OF MY CABAND HIT THIS GUY,

AND HE STARTED SCREAMING AT ME,AND HE'S LIKE,

"LOOK WHERE YOU'RE GOING!YOU BROKE THE LAW!"

AND I'M LIKE,"LOOK WHERE YOU'RE GOING."

AND WE'RE JUSTSORT OF YELLING,

AND I LOOK DOWN,AND I SEE A BIKE LANE.

AND AS HE'S SCREAMING AT ME,I LOOK AT HIM, AND I GO,

"SORRY, I WAS WRONG."

HE WAS SO MAD.

HE WAS LIKE,"NO BIG DEAL."

HE HAD TO GO HOMEAND BE LIKE,

"I MET THIS REALLY NICE GUYWHO HIT ME WITH A DOOR."

IT JUST MADE ME WANT TO CUTPEOPLE OFF IN TRAFFIC

JUST TO APOLOGIZEAND BE LIKE,

"SORRY, THAT WAS MY FAULT."

[laughter]