Uncensored - Amy Schumer - Sluttiest Friend

Amy Schumer: Mostly Sex Stuff Season 1, Ep 1 08/18/2012 Views: 174,799

From the time she was a young girl, Amy Schumer was lucky to find friends just like her. (1:53)

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- I've been really enjoying being on the road

ever since The Roastbecause I've been on the

road like for years but people had no idea who I was

so they would see apicture of me and they'd

be like, oh, she looks sweet.

She kinda looks like Amish, ya know.

Like kinda Cabbage Patchy up top, right.

We should bring the family.

I bet she talks about like shopping

and they get here and I'm like, my pussy.


But it's way better because like a lot of people

saw that Roast andthey just are like, oh,

she's like a bad personso that means you guys

are dirt bags too and I appreciate you coming out.

(laughing and cheering)

You are bad people. (cheering)

Thank you, bad people, but I've been really lucky.

Like my whole life, I found friends just like me.

Like at a young age I found girls that were just like me.

Like we were allwhores, ya know.

Just little drunks running around.

But in every group of girlfriends,

there's always like one that's the sluttiest, ya know.

If you don't have that friend, you're that friend.

Let's be real. (laughing)

And it wasn't me in my group of friends.

Shocker was my nickname.(laughing)

But no, in my group of friends,

the sluttiest of us was this girl, Katie.

And we didn't judge her for that but she wouldn't own it.

Like as soon as shewould have a boyfriend,

she'd start acting likeMother Theresa, ya know.

She'd like walk different, she'd talk differently.

Like I remember, one time she walked over with

her new boyfriend, she was like,

Adam and I are thrilled you could join us for brunch.

I was like I've helped you get cum out of your hair.


Remember, we tried using peanut butter,

'cause we're stupid, remember?