Bert Kreischer - Drinking in L.A.

Kreischer, Notaro, Ryan, Earthquake Season 4, Ep 0411 02/03/2001 Views: 7,912

L.A. is an expensive place to drink. (1:23)

I NEVER SCORE BROADS LIKE THAT,

MAN.

NOT WITH A NAME LIKE "BERT."

YEAH, CHICKS, I SEE THE LOOKS

IN YOUR EYES.

YOU'RE ALL, "OH, I DON'T LIKE

THAT ALREADY.

I COULDN'T CALL THAT OUT IN BED

IN THE THROES OF PASSION.

ALL, OH!

OH! BERT!

(LAUGHTER)

OH! OH! BERT!

OH! OH! BERT!

I'M WHAT YOU CALL A FUNCTIONING

ALCOHOLIC.

ANY--?

OKAY, JUST ME.

(CHEERING)

ANYONE BLACK OUT IN HERE WHEN

THEY DRINK?

YEAH?

HEY! L.A.'S AN EXPENSIVE TOWN

TO BLACK OUT IN, MAN.

IT IS!

'CAUSE YOU TAKE OUT 200 BUCKS

THINKING YOU'RE GONNA HAVE,

LIKE, A GREAT TIME WITH YOUR

BUDDIES.

YOU'RE ALL, "OH!

THIS IS GONNA LAST TILL TOMORROW

NIGHT!

I'LL PAY FOR EVERYTHING!"

NEXT THING YOU KNOW YOU'RE DOING

BODY SHOTS WITH A GUY NAMED

JULIO ON THE BAR.

YOU'RE ALL, "I LOVE YOU, JULIO!"

IT'S LIKE, "YO, TAMBIEN."

YOU WAKE UP THE NEXT MORNING,

RIGHT?

IN YOUR BATHROOM, NO SHIRT ON,

A QUARTER STUCK TO YOUR BACK.

REACH INTO YOUR POCKET FOR YOUR

MONEY, AND NOTHING.

YOU'RE LIKE, "WHERE'D ALL MY

MONEY GO?

I HAD LIKE 200 BUCKS!

DID I HIDE IT FROM MYSELF?"

THE ONLY THING SCARIER THAN THAT

IS, SAME SCENARIO, BUT YOU REACH

INTO YOUR POCKET AND FIND 750

BUCKS, YOU'RE LIKE, "OH, WHAT

THE (BLEEP) DID I DO LAST

NIGHT?"

(LAUGHTER)

(AUDIENCE GROANS)

I WAS AT A BOWLING ALLEY WITH