Greg Fitzsimmons - People in L.A.

  • Season 1 , Ep 5
  • 12/28/1998
  • Views: 2,687

Greg Fitzsimmons is frightened of L.A. (2:22)

I'M MOVING IN FEBRUARY

AND I'M A LITTLE FRIGHTENED.

L.A. ANNOYS MEBECAUSE EVERYBODY THINKS

THEY'RE IN SHOW BUSINESS

LIKE EVERYBODY,IN SOME WAY OR ANOTHER.

I WENT TO THE GAS STATIONYESTERDAY

AND THE GAS STATION ATTENDANT

TOLD ME THAT HE WASA FORMER PORNO MOVIE STAR.

AND I THINK HE WAS SERIOUS

BECAUSE HALFWAY THROUGHFILLING THE TANK

HE PULLED IT OUT AND SPRAYED ITALL OVER THE CAR.

( laughter )

BUT L.A. IS VERY CONSCIOUS...

EVERYBODY IS VERY CONSCIOUS

OF THEIR LOOKSAND THEIR PHYSICALITY--

OBSESSED WITH THE GYM.

AND I DON'T REALLY UNDERSTANDTHE WHOLE WEIGHTLIFTING THING

BECAUSE... I'M NOT GAY.

BUT I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT.

I'VE PROCESSED THE POSSIBILITYTHAT I'M GAY

BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO AND THERE'SNOTHING WRONG WITH IT.

YOU CAN'T JUDGE THAT.

YOU HAVE TO HONESTLYLOOK WITHIN

'CAUSE ANYBODY COULD BE GAY.

IT'S LIKE BEINGA RIGHTY OR LEFTY

BUT YOU HAVETO HAVE THE COURAGE

TO TAKE THAT ONE MINUTEIN YOUR LIFE

AND JUST STOP, AND JUST GO,"WAIT. I COULD BE GAY...

NO, I'M NOT."

OR... "YEAH, I AM."

OR... "I'M AFRAIDTO THINK ABOUT IT.

"I'M JUST GOINGTO LIFT WEIGHTS.

I'M NOT GAY!"

'CAUSE THERE'S NO REASONTO LIFT WEIGHTS

UNLESS YOU'RE JUSTSO AFRAID THAT YOU'RE GAY

THAT YOU'RE JUST GOINGTO SUBLIMATE THAT FEAR

BY LIFTING WEIGHTSFOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

'CAUSE... YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

IT'S ALWAYS, LIKE, IT'S 1998.

THERE'S NO REASON TO BE HUGE.

IT'S ALWAYS SOME HUGE GUY.

IT'S, LIKE,"WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING?"

( growling )

"COMPUTER PROGRAMMER."

HMM...

"EVER THINK YOU MIGHT BEA GAY COMPUTER PROGRAMMER?"

IT'S ALWAYS TWO GUYSWORKING OUT TOGETHER, YOU KNOW.

THEY COME IN DRESSED ALIKE.

THEY GOTTHE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO PANTS ON.

AND THEY JUSTSPOT EACH OTHER A LOT.

YOU KNOW,ONE GUY'S ON THE BENCH.

THE OTHER GUY'S GOT HIS CROTCHOVER HIS FACE.

"TWO MORE!"

( growling )

AND THEY GOT ALL SWEATY,THEY HIT THE SHOWER TOGETHER.

IT'S LIKE...

( growling )

GOOD WORKOUT, BUDDY.

( growling )

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