Sheryl Underwood - Stocks and Flying

  • Season 7 , Ep 16
  • 05/29/2003
  • Views: 6,857

Sheryl tries to get black folks to buy stocks and airplane tickets. (2:56)

WHY ARE WE SO ANTI OUR OWN

COUNTRY?

TALKING ABOUT WHY DO THEY

HATE US?

I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHY THESE

OTHER COUNTRIES HATE US.

THEY MAKE ME SICK.

LET ME TELL YOU WHY OTHER

COUNTRIES HATE US.

THEY HATE US BECAUSE WE GOT

MONEY.

THAT'S WHY THEY HATE AMERICA.

WHY DID THEY MESS WITH THE WORLD

TRADE CENTER?

'CAUSE THEY WANTED TO MESS WITH

OUR MONEY.

SO BLACK FOLK, WHY ARE WE NOT

BUYING STOCK?

LOOK AT BLACK MAN, "UH-UH,

I AIN'T GONE BUY NO STOCK.

WHAT'S A STOCK?"

STOCK CHEAP RIGHT NOW.

FOR $100 YOU COULD BE

A MAJOR SHAREHOLDER IN ANY

FORTUNE 500 COMPANY.

IT'S CHEAP RIGHT NOW.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT ENRON, SHERYL?

WHAT ABOUT IT?

I GOT ONE WORD FOR EVERYBODY

AT ENRON, DIVERSIFY.

YOU WASN'T SUPPOSED TO PUT

ALL YO EGGS IN THE BASKET OF THE

COMPANY STOCK WHERE YOU WORK.

YOU WORK WITH THEM INCOMPETENT

BASTARDS.

IF THEY CAN'T RUN A XEROX

MACHINE, HOW THE (BLEEP) YOU

LET 'EM RUN YOUR PENSION FUND?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I'M SO MAD AT BLACK PEOPLE

RIGHT NOW.

UH-UH, I'M NOT GONE BUY

NO STOCK.

STOCK TOO RISKY.

SHUT UP.

YOU BUY A LOTTERY TICKET

EVERY FRIDAY.

SHUT UP.

[LAUGHTER]

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE?

LET ME BREAK IT DOWN EVEN

FURTHER FOR MY PEOPLE WHILE

I'M ON COMEDY CENTRAL.

SO THEY CAN KNOW WE SMARTER

THAN THIS.

WHY WE NOT FLYING?

LOOK AT THE BLACK MAN.

UH-UH, I'M NOT GONE FLY.

WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?

DO YOU KNOW JESUS?

THEN GET YOUR ASS ON A DAMN

PLANE.

YOU KNOW WHY?

'CAUSE EVERY DAY THAT WE DON'T

FLY A BLACK SKYCAP LOSES

HIS JOB.

EVERY DAY THAT WE DON'T FLY

A BLACK AIRCRAFT MECHANIC

LOSE HIS JOB.

EVERY DAY THAT WE DON'T FLY

A BLACK TICKET AGENT LOSES

HER JOB.

GET YOUR ASS ON A PLANE.

I DON'T KNOW WHY WE DON'T

STAND UP FOR OUR COUNTRY,

AND STOP PEOPLE FROM TALKING

ABOUT OUR PRESIDENT.

WE MAY NOT LIKE 'EM BUT YOU

DON'T LET NOBODY TALK ABOUT 'EM.

'CAUSE I'M GONNA TELL YOU

SOMETHING, AIN'T NO PLACE FOR US

TO GO.

[LAUGHTER]

I LIKE AFRICA, AS A VACATION

SPOT.

BUT I AIN'T TRYIN' TO MOVE

THERE.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

WE BETTER GET TO KNOW WHITE FOLK

'CAUSE WE NEED 'EM.

WE STILL ARGUING WITH WHITE FOLK

ABOUT SLAVERY.

LET ME TELL YOU HOW WHITE FOLK

FEEL ABOUT THE DISCUSSION OF

SLAVERY.

THEY FEEL LIKE I WAS BORN IN

1956.

I DON'T KNOW NOTHING ABOUT

NO DAMN SLAVES.

GET OVER IT.

BUT WE CAN'T GET OVER IT

'CAUSE WE KNOW THEY COMPANIES IS

REAPIN' THE BENEFITS OF SLAVERY.

BUT ARGUING WITH WHITE PEOPLE

ABOUT SLAVERY IS LIKE YOU BEEN

ARGUING WITH YOUR MAN ALL DAY

AND ALL NIGHT.

HE READY TO GO TO BED.

[LAUGHTER]

SO HE SAY HE SORRY.

BUT YOU AIN'T FINISHED ARGUING.

SO YOU GO, "WHAT ARE YOU SORRY

FOR?"

HE GO, "I DON'T KNOW, BITCH.

I'M JUST SORRY!"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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