Deon Cole - Old Names

  • Season 11 , Ep 14
  • 03/08/2007
  • Views: 6,213

It's hard to get excited about having sex with a Gladys. (2:33)

YOU BE LIKE,"I AIN'T WORE THAT IN A MINUTE."

THEN YOU PUT IT ONAND YOU REALIZE WHY YOUAIN'T BEEN WEARIN' IT?

THAT'S HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS SHIRT I GOT ON RIGHT NOW.

I DON'T KNOW IFTO LET THE SLEEVES DOWNOR NOT, I'M NOT SURE.

I'M LAZY, THOUGH. I GET DOWN TO MY LAST OUTFIT BEFORE I'LL WASH ANYTHING.

YOU'LL SEE ME IN A CLUB WITH A TUXEDO ON JUST CHILLIN'.

PEOPLE LIKE,"WHERE YOU COMIN' FROM?"I BE LIKE, "HOME.

ALL MY CLOTHES IS DIRTY.DO YOU MIND, HUH?"

[LAUGHTER]

IF YOU'RE CLOSE TO 30-YEARS-OLD AND YOU STILL LIVE WITH YOUR MOM,

MOVE ON OUT THE HOUSE. IT MAKE NO SENSE

FOR NO GROWN-ASS MAN TO BE STAYIN' IN THE SAME ROOM HE WAS BORN IN. ALL RIGHT?

YOU GO IN HIS ROOM RIGHT NOW AND IT STILL GOT,

"IT'S A BOY," AROUND THE CEILING

AND STILL HAVE A RACECAR BED. JUST TELLING YOU ABOUT MY LIFE.

[LAUGHTER]

I'M TIRED OF MEN PUTTIN' BIG RIMS ON ANY KIND OF CAR.

MY FRIEND PICKED ME UP FROM THE AIRPORT ABOUT TWO WEEKS AGO

IN A FORD FOCUSWITH 26-INCH RIMS ON IT.

[LAUGHTER]

WE COULDN'T EVEN TURN. WE WENT STRAIGHT FOR 8 HOURS.

I WAS LIKE, "DROP ME OFF, OKAY, PLEASE?"

[LAUGHTER]

I HAD ANOTHER FRIEND. HE JUST GOT ARRESTED

FOR MAKING PHONY DRIVER'S LICENSE.

HE WAS TAKIN' PEOPLES REGULAR PICTURES,

PUTTIN' THEM ON THE DRIVER'S LICENSE.

I GOT MY LICENSE BACK. I WAS LAYIN' DOWN LIKE THIS ON MY DRIVER'S LICENSE.

HE HAD A FULL BODY SHOT OF ME LOOKIN' IN THE WIND ON MY DRIVER'S LICENSE.

IT WAS LIKE, "WHAT THE HELL AM I GONNA DO WITH THIS?"

[LAUGHTER]

WOMEN, WHEN YOU'RE PREGNANT AND YOU'RE HAVIN' LITTLE GIRLS,

QUIT GIVIN' 'EM OLD NAMES, ALL RIGHT.

IT'S A TURN OFF WHEN THEY GET OLDER.

SAW THIS GIRLIN A BAR LAST NIGHT,21-YEAR-OLD. FINE, MAN.

I WAS LIKE, "MAN, YOU WANT A DRINK." SHE WAS LIKE, "YEAH."

I WAS LIKE, "OKAY. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?" SHE WAS LIKE, "GLADYS."

- I'M LIKE, "EW." - [LAUGHTER]

I JUST CAN'T IMAGINE MYSELF HAVING SEX WITH HER GOIN',

"YOU LIKE THIS-- GLADYS."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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