Brian Kiley - Teachers

  • Season 10 , Ep 19
  • 04/20/2006
  • Views: 1,884

Brian has a secret crush on his wife's aerobics instructor. (2:25)

TO A NEIGHBORHOOD THAT WAS NOT VERY TOUGH AT ALL.

EVEN OUR SCHOOL BULLY WAS ONLY PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE, YOU KNOW.

HE WOULDN'T TAKE YOU TO LUNCH. HE'D JUST GO,

"YOU'RE GONNA EAT ALL THAT? OKAY."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

NEVER FORGETMY FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.

MY PARENTS DROPPED ME OFF AT THE WRONG NURSERY.

I DIDN'T KNOW ANYBODY.I'M SURROUNDED BY TREES.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I REMEMBER MY KINDERGARTEN TEACHER HATED ME.

SHE USED TO FIND ANY EXCUSE TO PICK ON ME, ESPECIALLY DURING NAPTIME.

LIKE I'M THE ONLY GUY IN THE WORLD THAT SLEEPS NAKED.

[LAUGHTER]

I WAS TUCKING MY SON IN LAST NIGHT.

HE TELLS ME THAT HE HATES HIS TEACHER.SHE'S AN IDIOT.

AND SHE'S OUT TO GET HIM, WHICH IS THE LAST THING

YOU WANNA HEAR WHEN YOUR KID'S HOME SCHOOLED.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

HE WAS ATPUBLIC SCHOOL LAST YEAR.

WE HAD OUR TEACHER'S CONFERENCE.

AND EVERY TIME THE TEACHER POINTED OUT ONE OF HIS FAULTS,

IT COINCIDENTALLY HAPPENS TO BEONE OF MY FAULTS.

"HE'S A TERRIBLE LISTENER." "I SEE."

"AND HE DAYDREAMSALL THE TIME." "UH-HUH."

"AND HE PUTS EVERYTHING OFFTILL THE LAST MINUTE."

I'M LIKE "DOES HE ALSO MAKE BAD FINANCIAL DECISIONS?

DOES HE DRINK WHEN HE'S DEPRESSED?" HOW FAR DOES THIS GO?

IN KINDERGARTEN, HE HAD A LITTLE CRUSH ON HIS TEACHER,WHICH I THINK IS NORMAL.

I THINK FOR JUST ABOUT EVERYBODY AT SOME POINT IN YOUR LIFE,

THERE'S ONE TEACHERTHAT YOU HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON.

AND FOR ME, IT'S MYWIFE'S AEROBIC TEACHER. SHE'S PRETTY HOT.

I WAS A BED-WETTER WHEN I WAS LITTLE.

'COURSE, I SLEEPWALKED TOO, SO I COULD WET 3 OR 4 BEDS IN THE COURSE OF AN EVENING.

[LAUGHTER]

DIDN'T HAVE TOO MANY FRIENDS IN SUMMER CAMP.

[LAUGHTER]

NOW, MY BROTHER AND MY BIRTHDAY ARE ABOUT A WEEK APART.

WHEN WE TURNED 14 AND 16 FOR OUR BIRTHDAY PARTY MY DAD HIRED A CLOWN.

NOT TO ENTERTAIN US, BUT JUST TO SHOW US

WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO USIF WE DIDN'T STUDY HARD AND GO TO COLLEGE.

[LAUGHTER]

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