Earthquake - White Kids

  • Season 7 , Ep 5
  • 03/06/2003
  • Views: 13,053

White people have the luxury of being their children's parents and friends. (2:39)

UNDERSTAND HOW ANYBODY COULD BE

RACIST, ALL OF US GOT RETARDED

KIDS.

(LAUGHS)

IT'S THE TRUTH.

LITTLE BLACK KIDS ARE DANGEROUS,

TOO.

I TOOK MY DAUGHTER TO THE ZOO,

TO THE ZOO.

BROTHERS WERE SHOOTING

AT THE ZOO.

WHAT YOU NEED A GUN AT

THE ZOO FOR, WHAT YOU A HUNTER?

I WENT BACK THREE WEEKS LATER,

TOOK MY DAUGHTER BACK, NOW THE

ANIMALS ARE RACIAL PROFILING.

LION WON'T EVEN COME OUT

THE CAGE IF HE SEE A BLACK MAN

THERE.

HE'LL GO TO THE GATE, (GRUNT)

I AIN'T MESSING WITH (GRUNT)."

(LAUGHTER)

BUT YOU GIVE A WHITE KID--

YOU ALL--

WHITE KID, WHOO, YOU ALL SOME--

YOU ALL GOT SOME DANGEROUS KIDS,

TOO.

YOU GIVE A WHITE KID A NAPKIN

AND SOME DUCK SAUCE THEY'LL MAKE

A BOMB.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT ONE THING ABOUT WHITE PEOPLE

THEY DEFEND THEIR KIDS ON TV,

DON'T THEY.

"BILLY DIDN'T DO IT.

BILLY DIDN'T DO IT."

THREE WEEKS LATER, "I DON'T KNOW

WHY BILLY DID IT."

(LAUGHTER)

BILLY DONE HAVE 14 BOMBS IN THE

BASEMENT.

I DIDN'T KNOW BILLY DID IT.

THAT'S WHAT WHITE--

YOU ALL BE SAYING.

BLACK PEOPLE SAY, "YEAH,

YOU DID, YOU HAD TO KNOW."

THEY DIDN'T KNOW.

BECAUSE BEING AROUND WHITE

PEOPLE NOW I UNDERSTAND THEY

HAVE A PRIVILEGE WE'LL NEVER

HAVE.

WHITE PEOPLE CAN BE THEIR KIDS

PARENTS AND FRIENDS.

AS BLACK PEOPLE WE CAN ONLY

BE OUR KIDS PARENTS.

AS SOON AS THEY'RE OLD ENOUGH WE

GOT TO LET THEM KNOW WHAT'S UP,

TAKE THEIR CHILDHOOD AWAY FROM

'EM BECAUSE THINGS WILL KILL

'EM.

"HEY, UH-HUH, PUT YOUR CHAIN

DOWN IN THERE THEY'LL ROB YOU.

KEEP YOUR HAND ON THE WHEEL

OR THEY MIGHT THINK THAT'S

TWO GUNS."

(LAUGHTER)

SO WHEN YOUR MOTHER IS YOUR

FRIEND AND YOUR PARENT YOU CAN

MAKE REQUESTS LIKE THEY MAKE

REQUESTS TO THEIR PARENTS,

WHITE KIDS.

"LOOK HERE, MOMMY, I WANT TO USE

THE GARAGE FOR A WHOLE WEEK

AND PROMISE YOU'RE NOT GONNA

COME IN THERE."

(LAUGHTER)

"OKAY, BILLY."

HE DOWN THERE MAKING A NUKE.

LIGHTS ARE FLICKERING, THE CABLE

AIN'T WORKING.

SHE AT THE DOOR, "I KNOW HE'S

DOING SOMETHING BUT I GAVE HIM

MY WORD.

I'M NOT GONNA GO IN THERE.

I DON'T WANT TO BREAK

MY PROMISE.

YOU KNOW BLACK PEOPLE.

YOU BETTER NOT CLOSE NO DOOR

AT YOUR MOTHER'S HOUSE.

YOU COULD BE BUCK NAKED,

LOTIONING YOURSELF AND SHE'LL

KICK THE DOOR, "LET GO OF

THE LOTION.

YOU LEAVE THE LOTION OUT HERE

FOR EVERYBODY TO USE.

I'M UP HERE LATE FOR WORK

LOOKING FOR THE LOTION.

PACK YOUR--

GET OUT OF HERE, PACK YOUR STUFF

AND GET UP OUT OF HERE."

SEE YOU ALL LATER.

MY NAME IS EARTHQUAKE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

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