Felipe Esparza - What a Shame

Season 9 , Ep 908 12/09/05 Views: 12,868

Gay men know how to treat a man. (2:02)

"ALL RIGHT. MR. ESPARZA." FIVE PEOPLE GET UP.

- "IT'S ME, FOOL." - [LAUGHTER]

"YOU HAVE A WARRANT FOR $5,000. WHATCH YOU GONNA DO?"

YOU KNOW, LATINOS AND BLACKS, WE GET NERVOUS.

WE START LOOKING AT THE AUDIENCE FOR HELP.

[LAUGHTER]

'CAUSE SEE, RICH PEOPLE BRING A LAWYER.

LATINOS AND BLACKS BRING THEIR MOM.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I GOTTA LOSE WEIGHT, MAN.

I GOT STRETCH MARKS ON MY STOMACH.

AND I NEVER HAD A BABY.SO NOW WHEN I TAKE OFF

MY SHIRT IN FRONT OF WOMEN,

I TELL THEM THAT I WAS ATTACKED BY A MOUNTAIN LION.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU SHOULDA SEEN THIS CAT. SSSRRRR!

SHE TOOK OFF HER CLOTHES.

I SAID, MAN, WE BETTER FIND THESE CATS.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

SO NOW I LIVE IN HOLLYWOOD. I GO OUT WITH GAY MEN.

IT'S OKAY. THOSE GUYS KNOW HOW TO TREAT A MAN.

[LAUGHTER]

MY BROTHER'S GAY SO I COULD SAY THAT JOKE.

- HE GAVE ME THE PINK LIGHT. - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

IT'S WEIRD. I WAS HAVING LUNCH WITH MY BROTHER

AND THEN HISGAY BOYFRIEND SHOWS UP.AND THAT PISSES ME OFF

BECAUSE MY BROTHER COULD DO BETTER THAN THAT GUY.

THEY START MAKING OUT IN FRONT OF ME.

AND THEN THAT BOTHERED ME. AND THE MORE IT BOTHERED ME

I LOOK GAY. I'M LIKE,"OH, MY GOD. TIME OUT."

I WAS EMBARRASSED BECAUSE PEOPLE WERE FEELING SORRY FOR ME.

"OH, LOOK. THAT FAT GAYTHIRD WHEEL RIGHT THERE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

SOMEBODY SHOULD HOOK HIM UP."

THEN WOMEN LOOK AT MY BROTHER BECAUSE HE'S HOT.

AND THEY GET UPSET. "HE'S GAY? WHAT A WASTE."

I SAY, "HEY, I'M NOT GAY." "WHAT A SHAME."

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

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