Uncensored - Chris D'Elia - Church Is Creepy Pt. 2

Chris D'Elia: White Male. Black Comic. Season 1, Ep 101 11/20/2013 Views: 27,666

Chris D'Elia thinks that priests are the creepiest part of going to church -- but not for the obvious reasons. (2:20)

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NOT FOR OBVIOUS REASONS,BUT HERE'S WHY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

DON'T "AW" LIKE I DID IT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

IT'S CREEPY.

HERE'S EVEN CREEPIER THAN THAT,

BECAUSE THEY'LL SINGFOR NO REASON AT ALL.

RIGHT?

EVERY FEW MINUTES, THEY'LL HITTHE SAME FIVE NOTES, JUST...

[ VOCALIZING SPIRITUALLY ]

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

YO, WHY ARE YOU DOING THATFOR NO REASON?

[ VOCALIZING SPIRITUALLY ]

EVERYTHING IS IN SONG --

EVERY SENTENCE, EVERY STORY,EVERYTHING, JUST...

♪ JESUS CAME DOWN

♪ AND TALKED TO MARY AND JOSEPHAND THE HOLY SPIRIT ♪

♪ CAME DOWN AND TALKEDTO THREE WISE MEN ♪

♪ THREE WISE MEN TRAVELEDTO NAZARETH ♪

[ SINGING INDISTINCTLY ]

[ VOCALIZING SPIRITUALLY ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE CONTINUE ]

[ Normal voice ] YEAH, I FEELLIKE HE HITS THOSE FIVE NOTES

WHENEVER HE FORGETSHOW THE REST OF THE STORY GOES.

[ LAUGHS ]YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

JUST...♪ JESUS CAME DOWN

♪ AND TALKED TO MARY AND JOSEPHAND THE HOLY SPIRIT ♪

♪ CAME DOWN AND TALKEDTO THREE WISE MEN [SPUTTERS] ♪

♪ AND THEY TRAVELED THROUGH --AND THEY KIND OF JUST, UH ♪

♪ WENT TO BEST BUY

[ VOCALIZING SPIRITUALLY ]

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ LAUGHS ]

[ Normal voice ] WE'RE LIKE,

"YO, HEY, DID YOU JUST SAYTHEY WENT TO BEST BUY?!

HUH?"

♪ NO, I DEFINITELY DIDN'T SAYTHEY WENT TO BEST BUY ♪

♪ BEST BUY WAS ONLY ESTABLISHED50 YEARS AGO ♪

♪ THEN, IT WAS FRANCHISED

[ VOCALIZING SPIRITUALLY ]

[ LAUGHTER ]

BUT THIS IS THE CREEPIEST PART,

AND IF YOU'RE CATHOLIC, YOU KNOWWHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, OKAY?

WHEN FOR NO REASON,

THE PRIEST WILL TAKE THE CHURCHDOWN REAL SOFT AND SOMBER,

AND EVERY FEW MINUTES,HE'LL JUST GO LIKE THIS.

♪ FOREVER AND EVER

[ LAUGHTER ]

YO, YOU DON'T THINKTHAT'S CREEPY,

YOU'RE A VAMPIRE, OKAY?

IF I POPPED MY HEADIN YOUR WINDOW TONIGHT

WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING [LAUGHS]AND I JUST WENT...

♪ FOREVER AND EVER

EVERYONE IN HERE

WOULD SHIT YOUR PANTS --EVERYONE!

EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T SLEEPWITH PANTS ON,

YOU'D WAKE UP, LOCATE PANTS,PUT THEM ON,

SHIT THEM,AND THEN GO BACK TO SLEEP!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]