Brendon Walsh - Trial Separation

  • Season 2, Ep 4
  • 04/14/2011
  • Views: 12,392

Brendon Walsh didn't want to date his girlfriend anymore, so he bought some weed, then he put it in her purse... (3:12)

I WAS DATING HERFOR A LONG TIME, YOU KNOW,

AND YOU KNOW WHEN YOU'REDATING SOMEBODY FOR TOO LONG,

YOU JUST DON'T WANTTO DO IT ANYMORE

BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO TALKTO THEM ABOUT IT, YOU KNOW?

LEADS TO LIKE "NEH,"TALKING.

I DIDN'T WANT TO DATE HERANYMORE, SO THIS IS WHAT I DID.

IT WORKED OUT GREAT.

I BOUGHT SOME WEED,

AND THEN--THEN I PUT ITIN HER PURSE.

(laughter)

AND I CALLED THE COPS ON HER.

IT'S, UH--IT'S LIKE A TRIAL SEPARATION.

IT GAVE ME LIKE 30 DAYSTO FIGURE OUT

WHAT I WANTED TO DO.

I LIVE IN, UM--I LIVE IN LOS ANGELES,

AND RECENTLY WE VOTED,

THE STATE OF CALIFORNIAVOTED TO LEGALIZE WEED.

IT DIDN'T PASS 'CAUSE ALLTHE STUPID STONERS

FORGOT TO VOTE.

THEY WERE ALL PLAYINGFRISBEE GOLF OR SOMETHING.

(laughter)

I MEAN POT'S ALREADY BASICALLYLEGAL IN LOS ANGELES.

LIKE, YOU CAN GO GETA PRESCRIPTION.

YOU GO TO, LIKE,SOME DOCTOR NAMED CAPTAIN TOKE

OR WHATEVERAND HE'D LIKE WRITES YOU

A PRESCRIPTION FORSOME TRAIN WRECK OR WHATEVER.

IT'S VERY EASY TO GET,BUT I HAVE ALL THESE, LIKE,

STONER FRIENDS WHO WON'TGET THEIR POT CARD,

AND THEIR THEIR EXCUSE ACROSSTHE BOARD IS ALWAYS LIKE,

"NO, I DON'T WANTTO GET THAT CARD.

"THEY PUT YOU ON THE LIST,MAN.

YOU WIND UP ON SOME GOVERNMENTLIST WHEN YOU GET THAT CARD."

I'M LIKE, WHAT LISTARE THEY GONNA PUT YOU ON,

A LIST OF GUYSWHO PROBABLY HAVE TICKETS

TO THE PINK FLOYD'SLASER LIGHT SHOW NEXT WEEK?

LIKE, YOU'RE WEARINGA "CAT IN THE HAT" HAT

PLAYING BONGO DRUMS IN THE PARKON A TUESDAY AFTERNOON.

I THINK YOU'RE ALREADYON WHATEVER (bleep) LIST

YOU'RE TRYING TO AVOID BEING ON,YOU DUMB STUPID STONER.(applause)

DUMB HIPPIE.

I'M GONNA SHAVED OFF MY BEARD.I LOOK TOO MUCH LIKE A STONER.

I DON'T SMOKETHAT MUCH POT ANYMORE.

I'M GONNA SHAVE OFF MY BEARD,AND THIS IS--

I INVENTED A NEW FORMOF FACIAL HAIR.

FEEL FREE TO TAKE THIS HOMEWITH YOU.

I'M GONNA SHAVE MY BEARD,BUT I'M GONNA DO--

IT'S CALLED THE SWOOP, AH,AND THE WAY IT WORKS

IS YOU GROWYOUR RIGHT SIDEBURN

DOWN AND AROUND INTOA LEFT HALF OF A MOUSTACHE.

IT'S THE SWOOP.DO IT.(laughter)

YOU'LL BE THE ONLY GUYSWOOPING IT UP IN BROOKLYN.

TAKE IT HOME WITH YOU.

YOU DO THAT IF YOU'RE AN ADULT.YOU CAN GROW A SWOOP.

NOBODY CAN TELL YOUWHAT TO DO.

YOU KNOW IF YOU'RE AN ADULTAND YOU HAVE ENOUGH MONEY,

YOU CAN BUY BIRTHDAY CAKESWHENEVER YOU WANT, TOO.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO WAIT

FOR SOMEBODY'S BIRTHDAYTO ROLL AROUND.

LIKE, YOU CAN WALK INTOA BAKERY TOMORROW,

ORDER THREE BIRTHDAY CAKES ANDMAKE THE BAKER WRITE ON THEM

BREAKFAST, LUNCH, AND DINNER

AND JUST STAND THEREAND EAT ONE RIGHT IN FRONT

OF THAT STUPID BAKER'SDUMB BAKER FACE.

THEY HAVE TO WRITEWHAT YOU TELL THEM TO.

THEY TAKE AN OATH.THE BAKERS HAVE TO DO IT.

LIKE, YOU COULD GO INTOA BAKERY AND GET A BIRTHDAY CAKE

AND MAKE THE BAKER WRITE ON IT,"PEOPLE WHO MAKE BIRTHDAY CAKES

FOR A LIVING ARE MOUTH-BREATHINGDOUCHE BAGS."

(laughter)AND HE'S JUST GOT TO...

(laughter)

"HERE YOU GO."

(laughs)OR GO INTO A BAKERY

GET THE BIGGEST BIRTHDAY CAKETHEY HAVE IN THE PLACE

AND MAKE THEM WRITE ON IT,

"HAPPY FIFTH AND FINAL BIRTHDAY"RIGHT THERE ON THE CAKE.

MAKE 'EM PUT A BIG SAD CLOWNON THERE WITH A WILTED FLOWER

MAKE EVERYBODY IN THE BAKERYALL BUMMED OUT.

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