Lenny Clarke - Astronaut

  • Season 6 , Ep 5
  • 05/19/2002
  • Views: 1,519

Lenny Clarke was lit up when he stole his dad's car and drove to Cape Canaveral. (2:14)

ARE YOU TWO MARRIED?

NO, AH, YOU'RE YOUNG.

DON'T JUMP THE GUN.

NO, BUT YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.

YOU MAKE A HANDSOME COUPLE.

I'M NOT JUST SAYING THAT TO WIN

YOU OVER, BELIEVE ME.

I WAS OUT IN TIME SQUARE TODAY,

I WALKED UP TO TWO PEOPLE,

"YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HAVE

CHILDREN ARE YOU?"

OH, THEY WERE SCARY LOOKING.

YOU KNOW?

(LAUGHTER)

MY PARENTS ARE WONDERFUL PEOPLE,

MY FOLKS.

I LOVE THEM VERY MUCH.

THE ONLY THING I THINK THEY DID

WRONG IS HAVE ME.

YOU KNOW, I'M STILL TRYING

TO MAKE IT UP TO THEM.

BUT, I MEAN, THEY WERE PRETTY

TOUGH ON ME.

THEY DIDN'T BEAT ME AS I SAID

THEY PAID GOOD MONEY TO HAVE

THAT DONE FOR THEM.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT MY PARENTS, AS NICE AS

THEY ARE, THEY LIED TO ME.

AS I'M SURE YOUR PARENTS HAVE

LIED TO YOU.

THEY SAID THINGS LIKE, "YOU CAN

BE WHAT EVER YOU WANT IN LIFE."

DID YOUR FOLKS EVER TELL YOU

THAT?

YEAH, THEY DID, DIDN'T THEY?

LYING SONS OF...

(LAUGHTER)

YOU THINK ABOUT IT.

ANYTHING YOU WANT IN LIFE,

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANYTHING YOU

WANT IN LIFE, YOU KNOW WHAT I

WOULD HAVE BEEN?

I WOULD HAVE BEEN AN ASTRONAUT.

DID ANYONE HERE WANT TO BE AN

ASTRONAUT?

SEE ONE PERSON.

TWO PEOPLE.

DID YOU APPLY FOR THE JOB?

NO?

YOU JUST HUNG AROUND THE HOUSE,

NOTHING HAPPENED BY LUNCH.

WELL, I'LL TURN THE TV BACK ON.

(LAUGHTER)

WELL, SEE, ONLY TWO PEOPLE WANT

IT.

AND USUALLY NOBODY WANTS IT

AND STILL COULDN'T GET THE JOB.

WHAT DOES THIS TELL YOU?

I MEAN, I REALLY WAS SERIOUS

ABOUT BEING AN ASTRONAUT.

I APPLIED.

THEY SAID NO.

THAT DIDN'T STOP ME THEN.

I WAS PERSISTENT.

I STOLE MY FATHER'S CAR I DROVE

DOWN TO CAPE KENNEDY,

CAPE CANAVERAL, CAPE COD,

SOME CAPE I DON'T KNOW.

I WAS PRETTY LIT UP AT THE TIME.

I'LL BE HONEST.

BUT I FIGURE HOW TOUGH CAN IT BE

TO BE AN ASTRONAUT?

OH, SURE, THEY TRY TO MAKE YOU

THINK, "YOU CAN'T BE AN

ASTRONAUT, YOU'RE NOT

QUALIFIED."

THEN THEY GOT SOME 90-YEAR-OLD

GUY SPENDING 20 MILLION TO GO

UP.

AS LONG AS HIS BOWELS HOLD UP

HE'S FINE.

BUT I WENT DOWN TO NASA.

I DROVE IN THERE, I SAID,

"LOOK, MY NAME'S LENNY CLARKE,

I JUST GOT OUT OF COLLEGE, I OWE

A TON OF MONEY IN STUDENT LOANS.

I GOT NOTHING TO DO FOR THE REST

OF MY LIFE.

AH, I'M READY TO BE PROPELLED UP

INTO OUTER SPACE."

(LAUGHTER)

AND THEY SOUNDED LIKE YOU.

THEY LAUGHED A LITTLE.

THEY SAID, "WE CAN'T USE YOU."

I SAID, "WHY NOT?"

HE SAYS, "WELL, YOU'RE NOT

QUALIFIED."

I SAID, "I'M NOT QUALIFIED.

YOU SEND THE MONKEYS

AND CHICKENS AND COWS UP THERE,

AND I'M NOT QUALIFIED?"

"SECURITY."

I HAD TO THINK FAST.

SO RIGHT AWAY, I STOOD ON MY

HEAD AND MAKE SOME TANG,

JUST TO SHOW HIM I KNEW WHAT

I WAS DOING.

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