Craig Ferguson - Getting Out of Scotland

Craig Ferguson: A Wee Bit o' Revolution Season 1, Ep 0101 03/22/2009 Views: 53,038

Craig's plan was to hang around in places of uncertain wind direction and pretend to be Sean Connery. (1:59)

>> SHE DID, THOUGH, MY MOTHER,

SHE DID SAID THE ONE THING THAT

FINALLY GOT ME OUT OF SCOTLAND.

SHE SAID, "GET OUT OF SCOTLAND."

SHE DIDN'T.

SHE DIDN'T SAY THAT.

THE POLICE--

THE POLICE SAID THAT.

[laughs]

WHAT HAPPENED WAS THAT, WHEN I

WAS BEING--WHEN I WAS A LITTLE

BOY, AND I WAS BEING NAUGHTY

AND MAKING FACES AND KIND OF...

KIND OF WHAT I DO

FOR A LIVING NOW...

TAKE THAT, COLLEGE KIDS.

[applause]

EHHHH.

NOW, YOU WENT TO EMERSON TO GET

INTO SHOW BUSINESS, DIDN'T YOU?

DO THEY TEACH YOU "FACES"

AT EMERSON?

YOU'RE GONNA NEED THAT.

[laughs]

NO, WHEN I WAS MAKING FACES WHEN

I WAS A KID, SHE USED TO SAY,

"CRAIG, IF THE WIND CHANGES,

YOUR FACE WILL STAY LIKE THAT."

I WAS LIKE, "REALLY?

HMM, THIS COULD BE MY TICKET OUT

OF THIS DUMP.

I WILL HANG AROUND IN PLACES OF

UNCERTAIN WIND DIRECTION...

PRETENDING TO BE SEAN CONNERY."

[applause]

"YESH, YOUR PLANS FOR WORLD

DOMINATION ARE SHADLY MISTAKEN,"

AND I'LL BE AWAY.

I'LL BE OFF.

OF COURSE, SEAN CONNERY IS A

GOD IN--A GOD IN SCOTLAND.

HE'S A GOD EVERYWHERE.

MY GOODNESS.

WHAT IS HE, LIKE, 95 YEARS OLD,

THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE?

WHY THE HELL IS THAT HAPPENING?

YOUNG WOMEN, 25, 35 YEARS OLD:

"OH, SEAN CONNERY'S SO SEXY."

HE'S GOT A WALKER,

FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.

"THAT'S RIGHT.

HERE COMES DADDY."

"OH, YEAH.

ARRRR, ARRR.