Marc Maron - No Smoking

  • Season 1 , Ep 2
  • 12/07/1998
  • Views: 4,934

Marc Maron is glad to be addicted to something. (2:35)

I ACTUALLY, UH,I QUIT FOR TWO WEEKS.

UH, THANK YOU.

UM...( light applause )

NO, NO, NO, I STARTED AGAIN.

I UH... I QUIT. ACTUALLY

I DIDN'T QUITBECAUSE IT WAS BAD FOR ME.

I ACTUALLY QUITBECAUSE THERE IS NO DIGNITY LEFT

IN CIGARETTE SMOKING ANYMORE.

I MEAN, WHERE IS THE DIGNITYIN STANDING OUT

IN FRONT OF THE BUILDINGYOU WORK AT

LIKE AN ABUSED ANIMAL?

( laughter )

( puffing )

OH, WAIT. I'VE GOT,LIKE, FIVE MINUTES, MAN.

AND NOW SMOKING SECTIONSARE DISAPPEARING.

I WAS AT THE AIRPORT RECENTLY.

THEY USED TO HAVE A SMOKINGSECTION AT MOST AIRPORTS.

NO MORE. THEY NOW HAVE

THESE GLASS-ENCASED ROOMS.

YOU'RE NOT JUST A SMOKER.

YOU'RE AN EXAMPLETO OTHER PEOPLE.

YOU'RE AN EXHIBITAT A FUTURISTIC ZOO.

YOU'RE INTHE NICOTINE TERRARIUM.

THERE OUGHT TO BE A SIGNOUT FRONT THAT SAYS

"THE ADDICT INITS NATURAL ENVIRONMENT."

PARENTS ARE WALKING BYWITH CHILDREN, POINTING:

"LOOK IN THERE, HONEY.

YEAH, THOSE ARE SMOKERS."

I'M IN THERE GOING...

( growls )

"STOP RUNNING, HONEY.

"YOU'RE TEASING THEM.

STOP RUNNING."

IT'S AN ADDICTION, YOU KNOW?

I UNDERSTANDTHE NONSMOKER'S PLIGHT

BUT HOW ABOUT A LITTLE SYMPATHYFOR THE WEAK?

THE PEOPLE WITH THE COURAGETO FACE CANCER EVERY DAY?

( laughter )

( chuckles )

AND I UNDERSTANDTHE NONSMOKERS' PLIGHT.

I UNDERSTAND OUR SECONDHANDSMOKE IS GIVING YOU CANCER.

BUT LET ME JUST SAY ONE THING:

THAT WHEN YOU YELL AT US

AND START GOING,"UGH! COULD YOU PUT THAT OUT?

"THIS IS A NONSMOKING CITY.

COULD YOU PLEASE PUT IT OUT?"

THAT CAUSES US STRESS,WHICH CAUSES CANCER...

( laughter )

AND WE SMOKE ON TOP OF IT,SO WHO'S THE REAL VICTIM, HMM?

IN ALL HONESTY,I FEEL BAD FOR PEOPLE

WHO HAVE NEVERBEEN ADDICTED TO ANYTHING

'CAUSE THEY'RE THE REAL LOSERS.

YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?

'CAUSE THEY JUST DON'T KNOWWHAT IT'S LIKE

TO REALLY WANT SOMETHING...

AND GET IT AGAIN AND AGAINAND AGAIN...

WHOO!

...UNTIL THEY'RE SICKAND HAVE TO STOP.

THAT'S PASSION.

I USED TO DO A LOT OF DRUGS.

I DIDN'T STOPBECAUSE I DIDN'T ENJOY THEM.

I STOPPED BECAUSE I COULDN'THANDLE THE COMMITMENT.

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