Blake Clark - Airplane Seatbelt

Blake Clark & Carrie Snow Season 1, Ep 0124 02/24/1992 Views: 2,372

They explain how a seatbelt works on airplanes. (3:03)

THEN THEY ASK YOU THIS.

THEY ASKED ME, WHEN I WAS MAKINGMY SEAT SELECTION--

THEY ASKED ME IF I'D BE WILLINGTO SIT ON THE EMERGENCY AISLE

AND OPEN THE EMERGENCY EXITIN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY.

( laughter )

I SAID, "WELL, DO I GETA DISCOUNT OR SOMETHING?

"YOU TELL ME WHEN I CAN GO,HOW LONG I CAN STAY

"WHEN I CAN COME BACK,I'D BETTER NOT CHANGE MY MIND

"I'D BETTER MAKE MY RESERVATIONS30 DAYS PRIOR TO LEAVING

"AND NOW I GOT TO WORKFOR THE AIRLINE?

WHAT, I GOT TO CLEAN THE PLANEWHEN I GET THERE?"

( laughter )

GEEZ, THE HEIGHTOF IMPERTINENCE.

AND THEN THEY SAYYOU HAVE TO BE ABLE

TO SPEAK AND UNDERSTAND ENGLISH

TO ASSIST OTHERSIN EXITING THE AIRCRAFT--

"ASSIST OTHERS" BEING THEOPERATIVE PHRASE HERE, FOLKS.

LIKE I'M GOING TO STAND THERE,CALMLY, BY AN EMERGENCY EXIT

IN A BURNING INFERNO,GOING, "THANK YOU, BYE-BYE.

THANK YOU, BYE-BYE."

I DON'T THINK SO.

( laughter and applause )

I DON'T THINK SO.

THEY EXPLAIN TO YOUON AN AIRPLANE

HOW A SEAT BELT WORKS.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,THIS IS AMERICA.

THIS IS 1992.

IF YOU DON'T KNOWHOW A SEAT BELT WORKS BY NOW

YOU DON'T DESERVETO SURVIVE THE CRASH.

WE DON'T NEED YOU.

IT'S TIME TO THINTHE HERD, FOLKS.

( wild cheering and applause )

THIS USED TO BETAKEN CARE OF NATURALLY.

THE STUPID MEMBERSOF THE HERD WERE PUSHED

TO THE OUTSIDE OF THE HERD,AND THE PREDATORS TOOK THEM

THEREBY ENSURINGTHAT THE GENES AND CHROMOSOMES

OF THE INTELLIGENT ONESWOULD BE PASSED ON TO POSTERITY.

IN OTHER WORDS, THE HERBIVORESARE OUT THERE GOING

"HEY, WHAT ARE YOU ALL EATING?"

( laughter )

"WHERE'D EVERYBODY GO?

"WHERE'D EVERYBODY...

WHAT THE HELL'S THATWITH ALL THEM TEETH?"

( laughter )

WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT

AN OVERLY COMPLICATED MECHANISMHERE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT A SEAT BELT.

THERE ARE TWO PIECES;THEY INTERLOCK.

( laughter )

IT'S NOT THAT DIFFICULT.

THEY DEMONSTRATE IT!

THEY HOLD IT OVER THEIR HEAD--

"YOU INSERT THE METAL ENDIN THE BUCKLE."

THE GUY NEXT TO ME WENT, "ICAN'T GET IT UP OVER MY HEAD."

( laughter and applause )

PUSH HIM TO THE EDGEOF THE HERD.

( laughter )

HE SHOULD BE OUT THEREON THE EDGE OF THE HERD.

( laughter )

YOU EVER THINK THAT MAYBE DANQUAYLE'S OUT THERE, CAMPAIGNING:

"HI...

WHERE'D EVERYBODY GO?"

( laughter )