Randall's Audition Tape

  • Season 1 , Ep 12
  • 11/03/2010
  • Views: 23,665

Randall shows Mark the video that got him on the reality show "Night Terrors." (2:13)

HMM.

splash!

- WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUTTHIS ONE?

- I THINK IT'S MINE, AND I WISHYOU WERE WEARING PANTS.

- NONE OF YOUR PANTS FIT.

- RANDALL,WHAT'S WITH THE GROOMING?

THIS REALLY CONFLICTS WITHYOUR CASUAL HOBO LOOK.

- CAN'T DO CAS-HOB TONIGHT,DUDE.

I GOT INTO THE NIGHT TERRORS'HOUSE.

- NIGHT TERRORS. WHA?

ISN'T THIS THE REALITY SHOWWHERE THEY THROW

A BUNCH OF HORNY IDIOTSINTO A HOUSE TOGETHER

JUST SO PEOPLE CAN WATCH THEMHOOK UP AND FIGHT?

- VISHNU HAS FINALLY ANSWEREDMY PRAYERS.

- HOW DID YOU GETON THIS SHOW ANYWAY?

- AUDITION TAPE.

I RE-EDITED THE VIDEO I MADE FORMY JOB INTERVIEW AT THE BANK.

RANDALL, THEY SAIDIT WAS IMPOSSIBLE

FOR SOMEONEWITH SO MUCH CHARISMA

TO BE AN UNSTOPPABLE MAN GOD.

HOW DID YOU PROVE THEM WRONG?

IT'S ALL ABOUTMY FOUR-PART PHILOSOPHY:

STRENGTH FITNESS,

SEX POWER,

DANCE AGGRESSION,

WINDSURFING.

UH?

- THEY'RE VERY LUCKYTO HAVE YOU.

- OKAY, EVERYONE, WE HAVE A NEWMEMBER JOINING US TODAY.

QUAGLE, WOULD YOU LIKETO INTRODUCE YOURSELF?

- IF YOU WISH TO AVOID DEMISE,

YOU MUST CONJURE MY NAMEWITHIN THREE TRIES.

- OH, GREAT.

HE'S PULLING A RUMPELSTILTSKIN.

- YOUR NAME IS QUAGLE.

MARK SAID IT, LIKE,FIVE SECONDS AGO.

- YOU KNOW, YOU MIGHT WANT

TO HOLD BACK ON THE RIDDLES,FRIEND.

- I GOT A RIDDLE FOR YOU, SKIM.

WHO'S GOT NO OPPOSABLE DIGITSAND GETS LAID EVERY NIGHT?

THIS GUY.

- I HAVE RIDDLE TOO.

WHAT TASTES LIKE TERRIBLE FOOD?

IT'S MY WIFE'S COOKING.

[laughter]

IT REALLY IS NOT GOOD.

[laughs]

IT'S REALLY TERRIBLE.

- OKAY, WHY DON'T YOU GUYSTAKE IT OUTSIDE.

- OH, GOD.OH, GOD.

- LOOK, THERE MUST BE SOMETHING

YOU HAVE IN COMMONWITH EVERYONE.

WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN?

- THE ANSWERTO THIS RIDDLE POSED

IS HOW I KEEP SO INDISPOSED.

- IS THE ANSWER TO THAT RIDDLE,RIDDLES?

- [sighs]YEAH.

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