Paul Nardizzi - Minivan

  • Season 1 , Ep 11
  • 01/11/2011
  • Views: 7,243

It would be a nice ride if you could hear it over all the kids' screaming. (1:28)

(Paul Nardizzi)I'VE GOT THE FOURKIDS AND A WIFE,

WHICH IS, UH, FIVEMORE THAN I WANTED.

WE DON'T FIT IN OURREGULAR CAR ANYMORE.

IT'S A BIG BUMMER.

MY WIFE SENT ME OUTTO GET THE MINIVAN.

IT'S ALWAYS BEEN A DREAMOF MINE TO DRIVE A MINIVAN.

I DON'T KNOWABOUT YOU GUYS,

BUT WHEN I WAS IN HIGHSCHOOL, MY BEDROOM WALL

WAS COVERED WITHMINIVAN POSTERS.

I HAD THAT POPULAR ONEWHERE THAT PREGNANT WOMAN'S

LEANING AGAINST THE HOOD,SURROUNDED BY 14 KIDS.

THE HUSBAND'SIN THE BACK

WITH A RIFLE IN HIS MOUTH.

THE MOTHER-IN-LAWSTANDING NEXT TO HIM...

YOU CAN DO IT.

IT'S A BRUTALVEHICLE, MAN.

I GOT AN UGLY ONE TOO.

HITCHHIKERSSEE ME COMING,

THEY HIDE BEHIND TREES.

I'M SO MISERABLE, IPULL OVER ANYWAYS.

COME ON, HOPIN AND STAB ME.

LET'S GET IT OVER WITH.

WHAT THE HELL AREYOU WAITING FOR?

IT'S A PRETTYNICE RIDE, THOUGH.

YOU SEE IT'S GOT A BIG V8ENGINE, BUT YOU CAN'T EVEN

HEAR IT WITH ALL THESCREAMING NUTCASESIN THE BACK.

THE WORST PARTOF THE MINIVAN--

THE WINDSHIELD ISABSOLUTELY ENORMOUS.

I MEAN, PEOPLE ARESTARING AT ME LIKE

I'M AN EXHIBITAT THE AQUARIUM.

HEY, WHAT'S IN THISTANK OVER HERE, DAD?

OH, THAT'S A SPECIES THATACCIDENTALLY OVER-REPRODUCED.

YEAH, THEY CALL THEMIRISH CATHOLICS.

YEAH, IT'S KIND OFIRONIC THAT SHE'SWEARING A SEAT BELT,

YET SHE TURNS DOWN EVEROTHER FORM OF PROTECTION.

WHY DOES THEMAN LOOK SO SAD?

BECAUSE HIS LIFE SUCKS.

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