Jeff Garcia - Snaps

  • Season 10 , Ep 23
  • 05/04/2006
  • Views: 10,102

Jeff used to call this big girl Vanessa, "Snaps." (2:12)

'CAUSE LIKE, I WENT TO CONTINUATION SCHOOL.

DO YOU GUYS HAVE THOSE HERE? IF YOU DON'T KNOW, BASICALLY,

IF YOU MESS UP AT THE REAL SCHOOL,

THEY SEND YOU TO THE FAKE SCHOOL.

WHERE YOU CAN MAKE UP LIKE 3 YEARS IN LIKE, HALF AN HOUR.

[LAUGHTER]

SO ALL MY FRIENDSWERE LIKE REAL GHETTO.AND I WAS ALWAYS FUNNY.

SO I WAS ALWAYS REALLYSKINNY WHEN I WAS A KID;AND THEY WERE REAL BIG,

SO THEY TOOK CARE OF ME AT SCHOOL AND I TOLD JOKES.

SEE MY FRIENDS ARE ALL BIG. AND THEIR GIRLFRIENDS WERE KIND OF BIG, TOO.

SO I WAS TELLING JOKES ONE TIME, MY FRIEND, RUBEN'S GIRLFRIEND

VANESSA, SHE WAS LAUGHIN' HER ASS OFF-- "RHEE--"

DUDE, SHE'S NOT FAT.WHAT'S THE WORD I'M LOOKING FOR?

STOUT? BIG BONED? HUSKY.

THICK. THERE YOU GO.SHE WAS LAUGH-- "RHEE--"

LAUGHIN' HER ASS OFF, RIGHT? AND EVERY TIME SHE LAUGHED,

THE BUTTONS WOULD STRETCH OUT IN HER SHIRT.

SO WHEN THE LAST JOKEWAS LIKE, RHEE AND BAH,THE BUTTON POPPED OFF

AND IT HIT MY HOMEBOY IN THE HEAD, RIGHT?

BUT IT MADE A LOUD SNAP NOISE SOWE STARTED CALLIN' HER "SNAPS."

BUT SHE'S A BUFF CHICK, DUDE. SO I PULLED UP TO OUR HANG OUT

I'M LIKE,"HEY, WHAT'S UP, SNAPS?"

"YOU CALL ME THAT AGAIN, RHEE, I'M GONNA CHOKE YOU."

AND I DON'T WANNA MESS WITH HER 'CAUSE SHE'S BIG, DUDE.

MY LITTLE FRIEND JESSE--I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW

SHORT MEXICANS,BUT THEY THINK THEY CANTAKE THE WHOLE WORLD ON.

THEY GET IN A CLUB, "RIGHT NOW, EVERYBODY. RIGHT NOW."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

SO HE COMES UP. HE GOES,"HEY, WHAT'S UP, SNAPS?"

"YOU CALL ME THAT AGAIN, RHEE, I'M GONNA CHOKE YOU."

HE'S LIKE, "SNAPS. SNAPS. SNAPS. SNAPS," RIGHT IN HER FACE.

GRABBED HIM BY THE THROAT. "SAY IT AGAIN, I DARE YOU."

"SN-APS."HE'S LIKE TURNING BLUE.

"SAY IT AGAIN. RHEE. I DARE YOU."

- "N-APS." - [LAUGHTER]

"ONE MORE TIME. RHEE, I DARE YOU."

[SILENCE]

- [SNAPPING FINGERS] - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

MY NAME IS JEFF GARCIA.THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY COMEDY CENTRAL.

Captioned By mCCaptioning Services www.mCCaption.com

Loading...