Sheng Wang - Powerful Drug

  • Season 15, Ep 4
  • 01/11/2011
  • Views: 32,578

Visine makes the whites of your eyes suspiciously white. (2:47)

I THINK THE TERM "MUNCHIES"--THE WORD "MUNCHIES"

TOO DAMN CUTETO DESCRIBE

THE ACTUAL HORRORTHAT HAPPENS.

[audience laughter]

THAT IS TOO CUTEOF A WORD.

IT SOUNDS LIKEBABY-TALK, YOU KNOW.

"OH, SOMEONE'S GOTTHE MUNCHIES... AW."

HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE.

THAT'S LIKE SAYIN',THAT'S LIKE SAYIN'

"THIS DUDE--THIS DUDE'S NOT A KILLER.

"NAH, HE JUST HADA CASE OF THE "STABBIES."

[audience laughter]

"AW, SHANKY,SHANKY, SHANKY!"

I STARTED USING VISINE.

THAT IS A POWERFUL DRUG.

[audience laughter]

I THOUGHT IT WASAN EYE-MOISTURIZER,

BUT VISINE WILL CHANGETHE COLOR OF YOUR EYE-BALL,

LIKE INSTANTANEOUSLY.

I DID A TEST ONE TIME.

I PUT VISINE IN ONEEYE, JUST ONE EYE...

I LOOKEDIN THE MIRROR.

DID A SIDE BYSIDE COMPARISON.

[audience laughter]

CONTROL GROUP WASRED, PER USUAL.

TEST SUBJECT WAS WHITE,BUT LIKE WAY TOO WHITE.

LIKE, BETWEENTHE TWO OF THEM,

THIS ONE WASMORE SUSPICIOUS.

[audience laughter]

THIS ONE'S LIKE"MAYBE I HAVE ALLERGIES."

THIS ONE'S LIKE, "BITCH,I DIDN'T SMOKE NOTHIN'."

[audience laughter]

[cheers and applause]

I LIVE, UH--I LIVE IN CHINATOWN,

CAUSE THAT'S WHEREI GOT ASSIGNED.

[audience laughter]

[cheers and applause]

THERE'S A RESTAURANTIN MY NEIGHBORHOOD--

THERE'S A RESTAURANTCALLED THE "SHENG WANG."

SPELLED EXACTLYLIKE MY NAME.

ALL MY FRIENDS INSISTTHAT I HAVE TO GO EAT THERE.

SECRETLY, I AGREE,BUT I DON'T KNOW WHY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OFFANTASY WE EXPECT TO PAN OUT.

LIKE, I WALK IN THERE--EVERYONE FREAKS OUT.

THEY'RE LIKE,"OH, MY GOD-- IT'S HIM!"

[audience laughter]

"WE'VE BEENWAITING FOR YOU.

"THE PROPHESYHAS BEGUN."

[audience laughter]

I LOOK AROUND-- THERE'S BABYPICTURES OF ME EVERYWHERE.

[audience laughter]

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